These fall months leading into winter inevitably seem to be the longest and most difficult; perhaps it is because of the holidays and Christmas is just around the corner. But regardless of the reason, I can honestly say that for me personally, October and November have been a few of the most 'complicated' months; stressful physically due to my mile-long to-do list and fatiguing emotionally/spiritually because God has been taking me on yet another adventure and is asking more things of me. (I'm not complaining, because I know that when we're stretched, we grow, but it's tiring just the same.)
Last month, I shared about how nothing seemed to be working out and my seemingly constant struggle to trust Him with everything. Let me simply add that trust is neither something we learn immediately nor is it a trait we master overnight--such things require both time and patience. Clearly, I am still working on this....
Also, I did successfully take my SAT Exam at the beginning of last month. (Check that off my list of things to do.) Finally, after three weeks of waiting anxiously, I received my new scores: not only were they better than I had anticipated, but they surpassed my previous scores by over 150 points! Even my math score had increased dramatically. Miracles really do happen, guys! I was elated with this new development. After all, God had assured me that He would take care of my scores; but why was it still so difficult for me to believe for a miracle? Why does trusting God completely seem so daunting?
Next on my list for this month was my application for RIT/NTID--the only college that I wish to attend. As my first ever college application, I was unaware as to how extensive the process was. And it not only required terrible amounts of documents and information....It was also mandatory to write a 2-page essay explaining in detail all of my various experiences with the Deaf throughout the past four years (this was a long list of interactions.) I thoroughly enjoyed writing my essay; I mean, after all, I was writing about signing, both of which I love--so it was altogether a win-win! So I completed the remainder of my application. But then, there was another aspect I had not considered before...I was unaware that I also needed to create a video all in ASL and explain my family, where I live, what ASL classes I have taken over the years, and why I want to become an interpreter. Believe it or not, this was by far, the most challenging of all. I absolutely love ASL, but it's so much easier to interpret and much easier to relax when I'm having a signed discussion than signing a video that will be a critiqued by ASL professionals. There was an long list of rules/regulations regarding this video and I was terribly nervous. I had to remember what I wanted to sign and perform it, unrehearsed. Long story short, I confronted problem after problem...I had one great first take (but the lighting was awful) so I took another and another, and they progressively became worse. If I was not anxious before, you could imagine how nervous I was by the third take. The deadline was rapidly approaching and with the holiday, it was difficult to find time to take another. Finally...finally, I took another and to my great amazement, it was a success! Another miracle I've witnessed.
So after praying over my essay, application and video, I submitted the entire package. And all I can say is: I have applied, written and signed to the best of my ability. And my best is all I've got. This is the direction in which I believe the Lord is leading me and I'm giving it completely to Him. Now, does this mean that I'm not at all 'apprehensive?' Absolutely not. There are times when fear and doubt whisper in my ear, taunting me, saying that my endeavors are useless and reminding me that RIT is my only option. I mean, I don't have a plan 'B' so what happens if RIT doesn't come through? I am slightly anxious because I have done all I can and the results are still unknown, but the peace that I feel knowing that this is all in the Lord's hands now, is amazing. I am letting go and letting God. I'm now stepping back and am excited to watch Him work things out!
As I was praying, I felt this is what He told me regarding my application: "Am I not God? I've told you, I am the God of the miraculous. Everything in My plan works out to perfection. I take the tiniest thing and make it a success. I can do anything! You are in My will--I've got you. So what makes you think I won't see this through? If I start something, I always finish it and bring it through to completion! My plans always succeed. Unlike mankind, I don't need to plan around failures and make plan 'Bs'--My will is spoken into existence and it takes place when I say. It's as simple as that! Your best is all you can do--but your best isn't My best! Just do this and let the rest up to Me. You can do all things through Me! Impossible is not a word in My vocabulary. Give it to Me and prepare to be amazed. This is the next step--and I give you My blessing. I'm the God of the impossible. Remember, I don't call the qualified, I qualify the called!"
My cousin recently told me, "God's plans have already been decided and His plans are always successful. Nothing you can do can change the plan that He already has in progress!" He opens doors that no man can shut. I am greatly encouraged by all of this and am totally giving this to Him. My life is His. Period. He knows what my future holds, I don't. So I am trusting that His will be done!
And thank you to everyone who's supported/prayed for me during this adventure; I have had my good days and my bad ones; days I hear God's voice clearer than others, but thank you for standing by my side and for encouraging me! Love you all.
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