Ever since visiting RIT on June 14th, I have prayed earnestly and sought God's direction for my life with renewed fervor. I knew that He'd make His plans clear to me when His perfect time came--but somehow it never really occurred to me that His timing is seldom (or ever) the same as ours. We are so impatient and desire immediate action; whereas God is simply content to take His good ol' time. He's God and does things when He wants to do them. We are left with no choice but to simply wait (patiently.) So for the duration of these past 6 months, I have come to the painful conclusion that I'm rather impatient. I realize this is part of our human nature, but still.... My heart's cry was, "Please Lord, show me Your plans so that I may go do what You want me to do!" (I was/am beyond eager to help others and do things in His name.) Since I am typically a "go-getter" and dislike sitting around wasting my time, waiting was difficult, to say the least. So while this may sound like an honorable plea, I failed to understand the vital importance of simply waiting patiently. Patience is so incredibly important because it's during this necessary period of waiting that we should spend time with Him; receiving strength from Him, getting lost in Him, and allowing Him to fill us with His love, presence, and peace. He also does an amazing work in our hearts and begins forming us into His imagine--if, of course, we allow Him to. If we lack patience and don't allow Him to work in our hearts, then how can He make us into the people we need to be? And if we don't make time for Him, how can He change us? We cannot minister to or help others if we ourselves don't understand God's heart.... We can't give what we don't have. Thus, we must be patient and take the time to allow God to pour into us and reveal His heart to us, so that we can then share it with others. We must be full of God so that we can impact others! Change begins with us!
So for the past 6 months, this change has been occurring in my life and God has certainly been doing an extraordinary work in my heart! My passion for Him has been reignited, my heart is hidden in Him, His voice is now easily heard, and His presence is now so easily felt! Sure, those 6 months were rather frustrating and at times painful, but they were so vitally important in my walk with the Lord and were so very worth it.
So during the period of patiently waiting (sometimes more patiently than others) questions soared through my mind. "God, where I am to go next? What is it You want me to do? How am I to proceed from here?!" The only repeated answer I heard was, "Be still and know that I am God! I know the plans I have for you. Continue straight ahead." Thus, I have continued pursuing RIT and have been planning accordingly. However, I will admit that RIT has not been the only thing that's demanded patience and quiet pursuance. Again, when many things occur and the only thing God says is, "Trust Me, I've got this. Continue straight ahead," it is fairly--no, exceedingly, frustrating.
Within these past few weeks, I have begun to feel that the period of 'waiting patiently' is slowly transforming into something else. God is finally beginning to answer some of those questions with a response slightly more encouraging than, "Simply trust Me." I believe He's asking me step out into some of the things I have been waiting patiently for. This is exhilarating, yet terrifying!
So allow me to explain: the first week of the month was the beginning of hunting season and a friend came to hunt for the weekend. When I shot a doe but couldn't find any evidence that I'd hit her, I became anxious--okay fine, I went crazy! I'd been hunting for years and knew what I was doing....So what was with this?! Let's just say that, due to this and a previous situation, my self-confidence plummeted drastically! I began doubting myself and my abilities. My fellow tracker however was exceedingly encouraging to me and helped to boost my spirits. But even after we found my doe, I still lacked my former self-confidence. What was happening? I prayed long and hard about this sudden lack of confidence--I wanted/needed it back! Then I heard a teaching from John Maxwell who spoke on the importance of confidence and how to attain it. I was greatly impacted by what he had to say. So for the next several days, with much prayer, I realized that God had taken my quest to obtain personal confidence to an entirely new level! I suddenly was understanding the vital importance of not only having confidence in oneself physically, but spiritually, too! I'd always thought of confidence as a form of physical strength; to stand bravely before a crowd of people took confidence. But suddenly I realized that in order to proceed spiritually and accept the things God has for us, confidence is required as well; confidence to step out and trust God for the impossible and confidence in oneself (to hear His voice) when pursuing His plans for one's life. This completely changed my perspective on things!
All of a sudden, the Lord began showing me that it's time for me to begin stepping out and proceeding in the things He has planned for me. His plans are far greater than I can even imagine....But it's time for me to take the next step; take a step of faith into the unknown and trust that He knows what He's doing. To be honest, it's rather frightening to step out into the unknown and take a risk; especially when one's heart is involved. I mean, what if things don't work out? I don't know the future. What if my heart isn't safe? What if something dreadful happens? How then, would I proceed?
But here's His response to my hesitance: "Don't be afraid to trust Me! I'm protecting your heart. As long as you don't get ahead of Me and continue listening to My instructions, you have nothing to worry about! Being anxious of uncertainty is normal, but wonderful things seldom happen without it costing something. For example, if a quarterback was too nervous to get on the field and throw, then how could he expect to get a touchdown? He won't score by standing on the sidelines. He must first take a risk and play before he can procure his victory. Success requires action! If you're scared and withdraw because of fear, then how will you advance and procure the amazing things I have for you? Sometimes you just need to let go, let Me, and advance; taking a step in faith. You cannot get anything without stepping out and receiving. When Peter walked towards Jesus on the water, he first had to step out of the safety of the boat and take a leap of faith before he could walk on the water. As long as he kept his eyes on Jesus, he was fine. And He didn't let him drown! Same here, I'm asking you to step out in faith--and if you keep your eyes on Me, you won't drown. I never set you up for failure! I go behind you and before you, and hold you in My hands. Please don't doubt Me! Just trust Me on this. Please take My hand and c'mon; walk with Me on the water! Will you let go and trust Me with your heart? I know the plans I have for you--you don't know them all yet, so let go, let Me; step out of the boat (into the unknown) and go with it! Watch Me work My plans into completion! When I call you into the unknown, it's because I'm waiting before you. I would never lead you into failure! So many amazing things lie just before you, and I'm waiting for you to step out and claim/accept them. I have many fantastic plans before you, but you must step forward to walk into them. Do not allow fear to hold you back from some of the greatest things I have for you! Fear is the exact opposite of confidence and boldness. Don't stop now! I'm telling you to proceed boldly and accept your blessing! What are you afraid of? I only desire to bless you!"
Suddenly I realized that the incident with the silly deer was for a reason. God was using that to teach me the significance of confidence, not only in a physical sense but also spiritually. I now understand how vitally important it is to have confidence--especially when it concerns the things of God. The truth of this struck me like a well-aimed blow to the jaw. Spiritual confidence is always required in your walk with God! And it may not always be an easy thing to obtain, but taking time to hear God's voice, trusting His word, understanding His plans for you, agreeing to His call on your life, and living for Him are certainly necessary for gaining confidence. And once you get to this point and are spiritually confident, physical confidence will come forth, from it!
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
Giving It All I've Got!
These fall months leading into winter inevitably seem to be the longest and most difficult; perhaps it is because of the holidays and Christmas is just around the corner. But regardless of the reason, I can honestly say that for me personally, October and November have been a few of the most 'complicated' months; stressful physically due to my mile-long to-do list and fatiguing emotionally/spiritually because God has been taking me on yet another adventure and is asking more things of me. (I'm not complaining, because I know that when we're stretched, we grow, but it's tiring just the same.)
Last month, I shared about how nothing seemed to be working out and my seemingly constant struggle to trust Him with everything. Let me simply add that trust is neither something we learn immediately nor is it a trait we master overnight--such things require both time and patience. Clearly, I am still working on this....
Also, I did successfully take my SAT Exam at the beginning of last month. (Check that off my list of things to do.) Finally, after three weeks of waiting anxiously, I received my new scores: not only were they better than I had anticipated, but they surpassed my previous scores by over 150 points! Even my math score had increased dramatically. Miracles really do happen, guys! I was elated with this new development. After all, God had assured me that He would take care of my scores; but why was it still so difficult for me to believe for a miracle? Why does trusting God completely seem so daunting?
Next on my list for this month was my application for RIT/NTID--the only college that I wish to attend. As my first ever college application, I was unaware as to how extensive the process was. And it not only required terrible amounts of documents and information....It was also mandatory to write a 2-page essay explaining in detail all of my various experiences with the Deaf throughout the past four years (this was a long list of interactions.) I thoroughly enjoyed writing my essay; I mean, after all, I was writing about signing, both of which I love--so it was altogether a win-win! So I completed the remainder of my application. But then, there was another aspect I had not considered before...I was unaware that I also needed to create a video all in ASL and explain my family, where I live, what ASL classes I have taken over the years, and why I want to become an interpreter. Believe it or not, this was by far, the most challenging of all. I absolutely love ASL, but it's so much easier to interpret and much easier to relax when I'm having a signed discussion than signing a video that will be a critiqued by ASL professionals. There was an long list of rules/regulations regarding this video and I was terribly nervous. I had to remember what I wanted to sign and perform it, unrehearsed. Long story short, I confronted problem after problem...I had one great first take (but the lighting was awful) so I took another and another, and they progressively became worse. If I was not anxious before, you could imagine how nervous I was by the third take. The deadline was rapidly approaching and with the holiday, it was difficult to find time to take another. Finally...finally, I took another and to my great amazement, it was a success! Another miracle I've witnessed.
So after praying over my essay, application and video, I submitted the entire package. And all I can say is: I have applied, written and signed to the best of my ability. And my best is all I've got. This is the direction in which I believe the Lord is leading me and I'm giving it completely to Him. Now, does this mean that I'm not at all 'apprehensive?' Absolutely not. There are times when fear and doubt whisper in my ear, taunting me, saying that my endeavors are useless and reminding me that RIT is my only option. I mean, I don't have a plan 'B' so what happens if RIT doesn't come through? I am slightly anxious because I have done all I can and the results are still unknown, but the peace that I feel knowing that this is all in the Lord's hands now, is amazing. I am letting go and letting God. I'm now stepping back and am excited to watch Him work things out!
As I was praying, I felt this is what He told me regarding my application: "Am I not God? I've told you, I am the God of the miraculous. Everything in My plan works out to perfection. I take the tiniest thing and make it a success. I can do anything! You are in My will--I've got you. So what makes you think I won't see this through? If I start something, I always finish it and bring it through to completion! My plans always succeed. Unlike mankind, I don't need to plan around failures and make plan 'Bs'--My will is spoken into existence and it takes place when I say. It's as simple as that! Your best is all you can do--but your best isn't My best! Just do this and let the rest up to Me. You can do all things through Me! Impossible is not a word in My vocabulary. Give it to Me and prepare to be amazed. This is the next step--and I give you My blessing. I'm the God of the impossible. Remember, I don't call the qualified, I qualify the called!"
My cousin recently told me, "God's plans have already been decided and His plans are always successful. Nothing you can do can change the plan that He already has in progress!" He opens doors that no man can shut. I am greatly encouraged by all of this and am totally giving this to Him. My life is His. Period. He knows what my future holds, I don't. So I am trusting that His will be done!
And thank you to everyone who's supported/prayed for me during this adventure; I have had my good days and my bad ones; days I hear God's voice clearer than others, but thank you for standing by my side and for encouraging me! Love you all.
Last month, I shared about how nothing seemed to be working out and my seemingly constant struggle to trust Him with everything. Let me simply add that trust is neither something we learn immediately nor is it a trait we master overnight--such things require both time and patience. Clearly, I am still working on this....
Also, I did successfully take my SAT Exam at the beginning of last month. (Check that off my list of things to do.) Finally, after three weeks of waiting anxiously, I received my new scores: not only were they better than I had anticipated, but they surpassed my previous scores by over 150 points! Even my math score had increased dramatically. Miracles really do happen, guys! I was elated with this new development. After all, God had assured me that He would take care of my scores; but why was it still so difficult for me to believe for a miracle? Why does trusting God completely seem so daunting?
Next on my list for this month was my application for RIT/NTID--the only college that I wish to attend. As my first ever college application, I was unaware as to how extensive the process was. And it not only required terrible amounts of documents and information....It was also mandatory to write a 2-page essay explaining in detail all of my various experiences with the Deaf throughout the past four years (this was a long list of interactions.) I thoroughly enjoyed writing my essay; I mean, after all, I was writing about signing, both of which I love--so it was altogether a win-win! So I completed the remainder of my application. But then, there was another aspect I had not considered before...I was unaware that I also needed to create a video all in ASL and explain my family, where I live, what ASL classes I have taken over the years, and why I want to become an interpreter. Believe it or not, this was by far, the most challenging of all. I absolutely love ASL, but it's so much easier to interpret and much easier to relax when I'm having a signed discussion than signing a video that will be a critiqued by ASL professionals. There was an long list of rules/regulations regarding this video and I was terribly nervous. I had to remember what I wanted to sign and perform it, unrehearsed. Long story short, I confronted problem after problem...I had one great first take (but the lighting was awful) so I took another and another, and they progressively became worse. If I was not anxious before, you could imagine how nervous I was by the third take. The deadline was rapidly approaching and with the holiday, it was difficult to find time to take another. Finally...finally, I took another and to my great amazement, it was a success! Another miracle I've witnessed.
So after praying over my essay, application and video, I submitted the entire package. And all I can say is: I have applied, written and signed to the best of my ability. And my best is all I've got. This is the direction in which I believe the Lord is leading me and I'm giving it completely to Him. Now, does this mean that I'm not at all 'apprehensive?' Absolutely not. There are times when fear and doubt whisper in my ear, taunting me, saying that my endeavors are useless and reminding me that RIT is my only option. I mean, I don't have a plan 'B' so what happens if RIT doesn't come through? I am slightly anxious because I have done all I can and the results are still unknown, but the peace that I feel knowing that this is all in the Lord's hands now, is amazing. I am letting go and letting God. I'm now stepping back and am excited to watch Him work things out!
As I was praying, I felt this is what He told me regarding my application: "Am I not God? I've told you, I am the God of the miraculous. Everything in My plan works out to perfection. I take the tiniest thing and make it a success. I can do anything! You are in My will--I've got you. So what makes you think I won't see this through? If I start something, I always finish it and bring it through to completion! My plans always succeed. Unlike mankind, I don't need to plan around failures and make plan 'Bs'--My will is spoken into existence and it takes place when I say. It's as simple as that! Your best is all you can do--but your best isn't My best! Just do this and let the rest up to Me. You can do all things through Me! Impossible is not a word in My vocabulary. Give it to Me and prepare to be amazed. This is the next step--and I give you My blessing. I'm the God of the impossible. Remember, I don't call the qualified, I qualify the called!"
My cousin recently told me, "God's plans have already been decided and His plans are always successful. Nothing you can do can change the plan that He already has in progress!" He opens doors that no man can shut. I am greatly encouraged by all of this and am totally giving this to Him. My life is His. Period. He knows what my future holds, I don't. So I am trusting that His will be done!
And thank you to everyone who's supported/prayed for me during this adventure; I have had my good days and my bad ones; days I hear God's voice clearer than others, but thank you for standing by my side and for encouraging me! Love you all.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Trust: If It Doesn't Kill You....
I presume that many of you have heard the phrase, 'If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger." I have not realized until recently how exceedingly true this is. You see, it's been months and I am still struggling with trusting the Lord completely in every aspect of my life. While I know everyone struggles with this at some point in their walk with God, I feel as if it's taking me forever.
Allow me to present a sneak-peak into the most recent bumpy part of my walk with God: welcome to the "real me." You may be surprised at the things you learn about me from this, but I'm being completely real and am telling you how it is. Perhaps God will reveal something to you while you read this and I hope it's an encouragement if you're walking through a similar situation.
Months ago, the Lord really got my attention and asked me to give to Him a personal situation that was life-changing and very important to me. I am saddened to admit, I was hesitant. (I am chagrined to say that I am a planner...I need to know what is happening and when. Thus I am most definitely not a fan of uncertainty and I dislike secrets for this very reason.) So, as you can see, it is difficult for me to just 'let go' without knowing the outcome! It terrifies me, especially if I know it will effect me and I can do nothing about it. Putting myself and everything I know into the hands of someone else to do whatever they please, and not knowing what that is, is utterly distressing. However, I trusted the Lord. I truly loved Him more than anything and I trusted Him to lead me on the correct path; my life was in His hands and I was willing to go where He led me. I also understood that things should be surrendered to Him in obedience and faith. I had already sincerely given my life to Him and I would do whatever He called me to. However, while I trusted Him to lead my life, I had noticed there again seemed to be things (dreams/plans for the future) that I hadn't realized I had my heart set on. I knew I had given them to Him before, but subconsciously, I had apparently snatched them up again, burdening myself once more with worry and doubt. It was not because of pride or deceitful intentions, I was simply thinking about them and imagining how my life would look once they became more involved. I had no problem trusting Him to watch out for me, but it became painful when my heart and my dreams for the future become entangled.
I was still wrestling with my flesh that screamed, "Don't do it! Don't trust Him, it's a trick!" And my Spirit contradicting, "Honestly, it's not that difficult. Just give it to Him, already!" So the battle raged on inside my head. Why am I so afraid to give it to Him? He's God, He works all things for my good. But if I gave it to Him, what was He going to do with it? How would He take care of it? Would He handle it the way I thought it should be dealt with? And would it end with the results I wanted?
These questions assaulted my mind and the only answer I received from Him was, "Am I not God? Trust Me with this. I have only your best in mind." So shortly thereafter, when I agreed to trust Him with the personal situation, He suddenly began asking for everything. "Give Me everything," He whispered, "I'll take care of it. You can trust Me to do what's best for you! I've got this!" When it suddenly involved more, the old doubts began returning. Despite the fact that I wanted God to lead my life, I was still slightly anxious (for the reason of uncertainty.) He wanted it all?! But what if His plans didn't match what I expected to happen? My heart was still on the line...and so was everything!
Goodness! Do you see how wretched was my confusion of doubt and my lack of faith?!
I was exhausted--I was so done with doubting and fighting. I'd given Him the previous issue, what was a little more? So I gave it all to Him. Again, I gave Him my life, my dreams, my heart and even my thoughts! For about three days, I felt fabulous; I was overwhelmed with peace and the assurance that He had it under control....Until things began happening. One directly after another. This was practically how it transpired: one day something happened that challenged my faith, I sought God and once more gave it to Him. Then, before I knew it, another challenging situation arose and again, my faith was tested; each time by something more difficult. Again and again, week after week; month after month--and there I was. I wasn't hearing frequently from my family in Puerto Rico, I was beyond terrified with taking the SAT Exam, I didn't know my results yet, I had heard nothing from RIT, I had no friends close-by to talk to, I hadn't talked to/seen my sister in months, I was stressed with applications and scholarships for college, schoolwork was driving me crazy, and it seemed that anything that could possibly go wrong, was. I was stuck with nowhere to turn. Except to God. And the only thing He said was, "Just relax! Trust Me with everything!" which is not exactly what one wants to hear at a time such as that.
Then, when I wasn't sure if it could get much worse, my new-ish laptop crashed and needed to be sent in for repair. (I know it seems trivial now, but at the time....) It seemed that if I had one good day, then I could count on the next one being a terrible one--something always happened; I'd give it immediately to God, feel better for the time being, then something else would happen. For weeks this infuriating cycle ensued. Though struggling, I continued giving it all to God. Why was this happening? Everything was transpiring around me in a whirlwind and there was literally nothing I could do about it. My worst nightmare was occurring before my very eyes! All my "control" was being stripped away and I could only wait and believe that He had it.
The very next day, I received my SAT test scores. They were not what I'd hoped for. I was devastated. I had completed the test and had entrusted it to Him. Perhaps I had expected a miracle, but when I saw my grade, I felt dismayed and rejected. I finally gave it to Him for the umpteenth time.
I awoke the next morning feeling better than I had in weeks and came down stairs, unsuspecting. I was in for a surprise. Mom informed me that they had found issues with my computer and the repairs would be costly--requiring nearly all that I had earned this summer. That was it. I completely lost it. Seeking the solitude of my room, I expressed my frustration, my confusion, etc. "God, that's it! This is entirely too much! It's been months and I can't do this any longer! I am so exhausted and I am so done! I just can't handle this! What are You doing?"
His response? "I love the cry of a burdened child--because they're crying out to Me! I love hearing a heart longing for me--it's a precious melody. And the fact that you're crying out to Me is proof that you're willing to submit your plans to me.
"I also want to see how you'll react when I take all of your 'control' away. You are virtually 'helpless' and I'm wondering, what will you do? Will you try it on your own? Will you make a big scene? Or will you simply let go, let Me, and trust Me? I never said this would be easy, in fact, I warned you this would be difficult. I am testing you and want to see how you'll react. It's during the trials that your true colors show. Where and to whom will you turn? What/who will you depend on and trust? It's easy to trust Me when life is peachy--but what about when it's not?
"Additionally, you are doing so well with trusting Me. This is becoming too easy for you; so I decided to take it another step further. And of course it's difficult--it's a test! If it were easy, you should be concerned, because it wouldn't be serving it's correct purpose. It's meant to test and challenge you. If you went your own way, it'd be easy for a time, but honestly, trusting Someone you cannot physically see, touch or hear is difficult. So the fact that you're struggling is a wonderful thing; it means that you're not going your own way--you're willing to follow Me and you are! And believe Me, I have promised not to give you more than you can bear. And I know you better than you do--I know what you're capable of. I know exactly how far to stretch you without breaking you! This is strictly for your benefit. Do not be passive or take this lightly. How you respond to this will effect your future. I am preparing you for your destiny. I am molding/crafting you into a beautiful masterpiece--but you first must go through the refining fires. Only the strongest survive this. But only once you've withstood, and emerge on the other side, will you receive the things I have for you and the blessings I've procured for you. So I pose this question: Will you forge on ahead (and receive all I have for you)...or retreat and miss My plan? Come! Take My hand!"
What was there for me to say after that? But I will tell you though, when I lost it and cried, "I can't do this anymore," and admitted complete defeat and truly, honestly submitted my will to Him, things seemed to change instantly. I was overwhelmed with peace, the stress of applications, the frustration of missing my sister, my dismay at my test results, all seemed minimal. I was no longer worried about them. Suddenly I could say aloud with total confidence, "They're safe in His care." Whatever happens, happens; whether it's how I envisioned it or not. Because it will be the result of HIS Holy will, not my sorry attempt to make things work. Several things have changed for the better and while there are still things I'm uncertain of, I trust that He'll tell me when He's ready. And I am convinced that all of this transpired to bring me to that total place of surrender when I said, "I can't do this!" Because in my own strength, I can do nothing--but through Him, all things are possible! This is proof that He works all things for good! I feel I have grown so much in my walk with God during this intense conditioning. And I wouldn't trade it for the world--because it's during the trials that we grow closer to Him! So please, when He asks you to give something to Him, don't blow Him off or give Him a half-hearted attempt. Give it to Him completely and you will save yourself much anxiety.
Allow me to present a sneak-peak into the most recent bumpy part of my walk with God: welcome to the "real me." You may be surprised at the things you learn about me from this, but I'm being completely real and am telling you how it is. Perhaps God will reveal something to you while you read this and I hope it's an encouragement if you're walking through a similar situation.
Months ago, the Lord really got my attention and asked me to give to Him a personal situation that was life-changing and very important to me. I am saddened to admit, I was hesitant. (I am chagrined to say that I am a planner...I need to know what is happening and when. Thus I am most definitely not a fan of uncertainty and I dislike secrets for this very reason.) So, as you can see, it is difficult for me to just 'let go' without knowing the outcome! It terrifies me, especially if I know it will effect me and I can do nothing about it. Putting myself and everything I know into the hands of someone else to do whatever they please, and not knowing what that is, is utterly distressing. However, I trusted the Lord. I truly loved Him more than anything and I trusted Him to lead me on the correct path; my life was in His hands and I was willing to go where He led me. I also understood that things should be surrendered to Him in obedience and faith. I had already sincerely given my life to Him and I would do whatever He called me to. However, while I trusted Him to lead my life, I had noticed there again seemed to be things (dreams/plans for the future) that I hadn't realized I had my heart set on. I knew I had given them to Him before, but subconsciously, I had apparently snatched them up again, burdening myself once more with worry and doubt. It was not because of pride or deceitful intentions, I was simply thinking about them and imagining how my life would look once they became more involved. I had no problem trusting Him to watch out for me, but it became painful when my heart and my dreams for the future become entangled.
I was still wrestling with my flesh that screamed, "Don't do it! Don't trust Him, it's a trick!" And my Spirit contradicting, "Honestly, it's not that difficult. Just give it to Him, already!" So the battle raged on inside my head. Why am I so afraid to give it to Him? He's God, He works all things for my good. But if I gave it to Him, what was He going to do with it? How would He take care of it? Would He handle it the way I thought it should be dealt with? And would it end with the results I wanted?
These questions assaulted my mind and the only answer I received from Him was, "Am I not God? Trust Me with this. I have only your best in mind." So shortly thereafter, when I agreed to trust Him with the personal situation, He suddenly began asking for everything. "Give Me everything," He whispered, "I'll take care of it. You can trust Me to do what's best for you! I've got this!" When it suddenly involved more, the old doubts began returning. Despite the fact that I wanted God to lead my life, I was still slightly anxious (for the reason of uncertainty.) He wanted it all?! But what if His plans didn't match what I expected to happen? My heart was still on the line...and so was everything!
Goodness! Do you see how wretched was my confusion of doubt and my lack of faith?!
I was exhausted--I was so done with doubting and fighting. I'd given Him the previous issue, what was a little more? So I gave it all to Him. Again, I gave Him my life, my dreams, my heart and even my thoughts! For about three days, I felt fabulous; I was overwhelmed with peace and the assurance that He had it under control....Until things began happening. One directly after another. This was practically how it transpired: one day something happened that challenged my faith, I sought God and once more gave it to Him. Then, before I knew it, another challenging situation arose and again, my faith was tested; each time by something more difficult. Again and again, week after week; month after month--and there I was. I wasn't hearing frequently from my family in Puerto Rico, I was beyond terrified with taking the SAT Exam, I didn't know my results yet, I had heard nothing from RIT, I had no friends close-by to talk to, I hadn't talked to/seen my sister in months, I was stressed with applications and scholarships for college, schoolwork was driving me crazy, and it seemed that anything that could possibly go wrong, was. I was stuck with nowhere to turn. Except to God. And the only thing He said was, "Just relax! Trust Me with everything!" which is not exactly what one wants to hear at a time such as that.
Then, when I wasn't sure if it could get much worse, my new-ish laptop crashed and needed to be sent in for repair. (I know it seems trivial now, but at the time....) It seemed that if I had one good day, then I could count on the next one being a terrible one--something always happened; I'd give it immediately to God, feel better for the time being, then something else would happen. For weeks this infuriating cycle ensued. Though struggling, I continued giving it all to God. Why was this happening? Everything was transpiring around me in a whirlwind and there was literally nothing I could do about it. My worst nightmare was occurring before my very eyes! All my "control" was being stripped away and I could only wait and believe that He had it.
The very next day, I received my SAT test scores. They were not what I'd hoped for. I was devastated. I had completed the test and had entrusted it to Him. Perhaps I had expected a miracle, but when I saw my grade, I felt dismayed and rejected. I finally gave it to Him for the umpteenth time.
I awoke the next morning feeling better than I had in weeks and came down stairs, unsuspecting. I was in for a surprise. Mom informed me that they had found issues with my computer and the repairs would be costly--requiring nearly all that I had earned this summer. That was it. I completely lost it. Seeking the solitude of my room, I expressed my frustration, my confusion, etc. "God, that's it! This is entirely too much! It's been months and I can't do this any longer! I am so exhausted and I am so done! I just can't handle this! What are You doing?"
His response? "I love the cry of a burdened child--because they're crying out to Me! I love hearing a heart longing for me--it's a precious melody. And the fact that you're crying out to Me is proof that you're willing to submit your plans to me.
"I also want to see how you'll react when I take all of your 'control' away. You are virtually 'helpless' and I'm wondering, what will you do? Will you try it on your own? Will you make a big scene? Or will you simply let go, let Me, and trust Me? I never said this would be easy, in fact, I warned you this would be difficult. I am testing you and want to see how you'll react. It's during the trials that your true colors show. Where and to whom will you turn? What/who will you depend on and trust? It's easy to trust Me when life is peachy--but what about when it's not?
"Additionally, you are doing so well with trusting Me. This is becoming too easy for you; so I decided to take it another step further. And of course it's difficult--it's a test! If it were easy, you should be concerned, because it wouldn't be serving it's correct purpose. It's meant to test and challenge you. If you went your own way, it'd be easy for a time, but honestly, trusting Someone you cannot physically see, touch or hear is difficult. So the fact that you're struggling is a wonderful thing; it means that you're not going your own way--you're willing to follow Me and you are! And believe Me, I have promised not to give you more than you can bear. And I know you better than you do--I know what you're capable of. I know exactly how far to stretch you without breaking you! This is strictly for your benefit. Do not be passive or take this lightly. How you respond to this will effect your future. I am preparing you for your destiny. I am molding/crafting you into a beautiful masterpiece--but you first must go through the refining fires. Only the strongest survive this. But only once you've withstood, and emerge on the other side, will you receive the things I have for you and the blessings I've procured for you. So I pose this question: Will you forge on ahead (and receive all I have for you)...or retreat and miss My plan? Come! Take My hand!"
What was there for me to say after that? But I will tell you though, when I lost it and cried, "I can't do this anymore," and admitted complete defeat and truly, honestly submitted my will to Him, things seemed to change instantly. I was overwhelmed with peace, the stress of applications, the frustration of missing my sister, my dismay at my test results, all seemed minimal. I was no longer worried about them. Suddenly I could say aloud with total confidence, "They're safe in His care." Whatever happens, happens; whether it's how I envisioned it or not. Because it will be the result of HIS Holy will, not my sorry attempt to make things work. Several things have changed for the better and while there are still things I'm uncertain of, I trust that He'll tell me when He's ready. And I am convinced that all of this transpired to bring me to that total place of surrender when I said, "I can't do this!" Because in my own strength, I can do nothing--but through Him, all things are possible! This is proof that He works all things for good! I feel I have grown so much in my walk with God during this intense conditioning. And I wouldn't trade it for the world--because it's during the trials that we grow closer to Him! So please, when He asks you to give something to Him, don't blow Him off or give Him a half-hearted attempt. Give it to Him completely and you will save yourself much anxiety.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Failure ISN'T An Option!
Gosh, it has been quite a while since I have written, or more accurately, have found time to even write. And I won't hesitate in admitting that I have truly missed it! It feels nice to write something besides essays (although, call me odd, but I enjoy writing those too.)
So perhaps I should catch you up a little on what I have been up to this past month. *Deep sigh* That's so much easier said than done. So first, give me a minute to gather my thoughts as I try to recall the recent incidents that have occurred....Okay, I think I'm good.
And while I am already in the mood of admitting things, then I may as well confess that it has taken me quite a while to settle back into life here. Transition is always difficult, no matter where you go or what you do, thus there are still moments when I feel homesickness for Puerto Rico--and I can affirm that those feelings will not vanish any time in the near future. Although, on the other hand, I must say, I have also been overwhelmed by peace and am adjusting much better than I ever thought possible. I am still seeking the Lord regarding my plans to return, and I cannot express how greatly comforted I am by the fact that "I am not done there yet," as the Lord continues reaffirming to me. I am still receiving/sending letters from/to my kids and am Skyping with them whenever possible. Also, to my great delight, I am receiving updates of the happenings in school frequently! My heart is happy!
Meanwhile, obviously, many things have been occurring in my life lately, but I want to focus specifically on the SAT exam which I took at the beginning of this month. This may seem like a strange topic of discussion, but it has been something with which I've been struggling since I have returned from Puerto Rico. I was dead serious when I admitted to my mom, "'You were smart to not tell me about the SAT until I returned from Puerto Rico...had you told me while I was still there, I quite probably would have cancelled my flight back to Pennsylvania!'" In other words, I was utterly terrified! I didn't care what anyone said/did--I was not taking that test! Whose insane idea was this?
Now this was my first SAT exam ever and I have only two words to describe the worst, crazy, stressful and most intense four hours of my entire life: Absolutely insane! Now allow me to enlighten you. I was nervous. I had never done anything even remotely similar to this--and I was going into it completely alone. However, I wasn't going as crazy as I had anticipated--and I knew that I was feeling the effects of the prayers people were sending my way. So at some un-godly hour in the morning (when I was still too asleep to even notice the time) I was left all alone on the sidewalk in front of a High School with a pencil and calculator grasped tightly in my clammy hands. From there, I was joined by dozens of other students and we were all herded down the hallways like cattle. We were forced into a crowded classroom where we were ordered to wait. The door slammed behind us with a resonating bang that rattled inside my skull, trapping us in and severing all contact we may have had with the outside world--also eradicating any chance of a possible rescue. Each passing minute was excruciating. After enduring fifteen painful minutes of orally given instructions, we were finally permitted to begin our testing. I breathed yet another prayer and took as deep a breath as I possibly could before flipping the page. I will be honest and divulge that the English sections were not difficult and in fact, I thoroughly enjoyed them--I could do them just for fun! However, the math was an entirely different story. As previously explained, I am seemingly arithmetically-impaired. I fear that particular mathematical section of my brain suffers constantly from some sort of paralysis. I truly wish I could understand the complications and rectify the situation. However, all I could do was focus and do my best. So that is exactly what I did. I sweated, I prayed, I cracked my fingers, I prayed, I rubbed my goose-bumps, I prayed and stared intently at the pages, punching in numbers like a mad-woman. Who knew you could sweat and have goose-bumps at the same time!? I never understood this, but perhaps you do, so I will pose to you this question: If they want us to preform to the best of our ability and want our best results, then why on earth would they cram us into a bright, crowded room, where the temperature constantly fluctuate? (One minute I had ice sickles dangling from my nostrils, then the next, my eyebrows were melting off my face. Supposedly there were issues with the thermostat, but seriously, who were they kidding? There were thirty adolescents stuffed into that room, nervous beyond words, sweating profusely. It was the body heat that made the temperatures skyrocket! Uh, hello?!) And in there; in that situation, is where they expect us to be at our prime performance--They expect to get our best results like that? Honestly!? Give me a test and allow me to complete it, sitting on my bed all alone in a hoodie. I can assure you I would certainly be on my game then!
Okay, okay, I'm done now--I'm off my soap box. So that was a brief overview of my first SAT experience. Keep in mind, I won't get my results back until the 24th, thus I have no idea what my results are. However, I am honestly not concerned. Not because I have faith in my academic abilities, but because the night before my test (and weeks leading up to it, I might add) I spent a great deal of time in the presence of the Lord. I lay in bed, my heartbeat thundering in my ears and sleep seeming weeks in coming. Forsaking my beauty sleep, I turned on my music to drown out the pulse pounding in my ears, turned my eyes heavenward and simply chilled with Jesus. "'Okay, Lord, what should I be doing?'" was the question ever-present on my mind. (Note: the following is His response as written in my journal.) "'Exactly what you're doing! Continue going straight ahead. And relax. You know so much more than you think you do. Don't panic, it's not a matter of life or death. And don't give up--you can do anything through Me! Trust Me...and yourself. And you know what?--I'll be right there beside you! When I'm by your side, failure isn't an option! We'll do this together--we're a team, you and Me! I will be with you, by your side--they may only see one kid walking in, but there will be two people entering that room. I'm asking you to trust Me. Am I not God? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt Me? I am your biggest fan. I would never set you up for failure! Ever. Would I have brought you this far for nothing? This is your next step towards RIT--honestly, I would never set you up for failure! If RIT is My plan for you, then why on earth would you not pass the SAT (get a good score) and be accepted to RIT? I've got this! I have lit the path before you and am waiting for you to take a step forward in faith....'" I don't know about you, but I found that to be greatly encouraging. By the time I fell asleep that night, I was totally at peace...and had the most restful sleep I'd had in days! Imagine that!
Thinking on it, it seems that everything in my life right now requires me to trust Him. I'm serious--I can't even count on my fingers how many things are going on right now that I can't do a thing about. Every single aspect of my life requires trust. There is nothing I can do, but trust Him and believe that He's got it under control. Maybe you're feeling that way right now. Maybe you feel that your life is sliding out from under you or it's being turned upside down. Perhaps everything you know and love is slipping right through your fingers and there's nothing you can do about it. It's a scary feeling isn't it? The sense of helplessness can be overwhelming. But remember, transition/trust are very confusing places to be and God has been showing me that when I'm not certain what the next step should be, I simply need to seek Him and He'll reveal to me His plans! I have to do nothing but trust Him. He promises so in His Word: Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." Continue doing the last thing He told you until He tells you something new. And regardless of how it may seem, you are not in this alone--Jesus is far more interested in your problems than you are! So I believe He allows us to go through trials so we realize that when we seemingly have nothing--we really have everything (Him.) And He's all we need! Deuteronomy 4:29 says, "Seek the Lord and you'll find Him, if you search after Him with all your heart and all your soul." So be encouraged, you are not alone! He is there waiting with open arms, wanting to help you!
So perhaps I should catch you up a little on what I have been up to this past month. *Deep sigh* That's so much easier said than done. So first, give me a minute to gather my thoughts as I try to recall the recent incidents that have occurred....Okay, I think I'm good.
And while I am already in the mood of admitting things, then I may as well confess that it has taken me quite a while to settle back into life here. Transition is always difficult, no matter where you go or what you do, thus there are still moments when I feel homesickness for Puerto Rico--and I can affirm that those feelings will not vanish any time in the near future. Although, on the other hand, I must say, I have also been overwhelmed by peace and am adjusting much better than I ever thought possible. I am still seeking the Lord regarding my plans to return, and I cannot express how greatly comforted I am by the fact that "I am not done there yet," as the Lord continues reaffirming to me. I am still receiving/sending letters from/to my kids and am Skyping with them whenever possible. Also, to my great delight, I am receiving updates of the happenings in school frequently! My heart is happy!
Meanwhile, obviously, many things have been occurring in my life lately, but I want to focus specifically on the SAT exam which I took at the beginning of this month. This may seem like a strange topic of discussion, but it has been something with which I've been struggling since I have returned from Puerto Rico. I was dead serious when I admitted to my mom, "'You were smart to not tell me about the SAT until I returned from Puerto Rico...had you told me while I was still there, I quite probably would have cancelled my flight back to Pennsylvania!'" In other words, I was utterly terrified! I didn't care what anyone said/did--I was not taking that test! Whose insane idea was this?
Now this was my first SAT exam ever and I have only two words to describe the worst, crazy, stressful and most intense four hours of my entire life: Absolutely insane! Now allow me to enlighten you. I was nervous. I had never done anything even remotely similar to this--and I was going into it completely alone. However, I wasn't going as crazy as I had anticipated--and I knew that I was feeling the effects of the prayers people were sending my way. So at some un-godly hour in the morning (when I was still too asleep to even notice the time) I was left all alone on the sidewalk in front of a High School with a pencil and calculator grasped tightly in my clammy hands. From there, I was joined by dozens of other students and we were all herded down the hallways like cattle. We were forced into a crowded classroom where we were ordered to wait. The door slammed behind us with a resonating bang that rattled inside my skull, trapping us in and severing all contact we may have had with the outside world--also eradicating any chance of a possible rescue. Each passing minute was excruciating. After enduring fifteen painful minutes of orally given instructions, we were finally permitted to begin our testing. I breathed yet another prayer and took as deep a breath as I possibly could before flipping the page. I will be honest and divulge that the English sections were not difficult and in fact, I thoroughly enjoyed them--I could do them just for fun! However, the math was an entirely different story. As previously explained, I am seemingly arithmetically-impaired. I fear that particular mathematical section of my brain suffers constantly from some sort of paralysis. I truly wish I could understand the complications and rectify the situation. However, all I could do was focus and do my best. So that is exactly what I did. I sweated, I prayed, I cracked my fingers, I prayed, I rubbed my goose-bumps, I prayed and stared intently at the pages, punching in numbers like a mad-woman. Who knew you could sweat and have goose-bumps at the same time!? I never understood this, but perhaps you do, so I will pose to you this question: If they want us to preform to the best of our ability and want our best results, then why on earth would they cram us into a bright, crowded room, where the temperature constantly fluctuate? (One minute I had ice sickles dangling from my nostrils, then the next, my eyebrows were melting off my face. Supposedly there were issues with the thermostat, but seriously, who were they kidding? There were thirty adolescents stuffed into that room, nervous beyond words, sweating profusely. It was the body heat that made the temperatures skyrocket! Uh, hello?!) And in there; in that situation, is where they expect us to be at our prime performance--They expect to get our best results like that? Honestly!? Give me a test and allow me to complete it, sitting on my bed all alone in a hoodie. I can assure you I would certainly be on my game then!
Okay, okay, I'm done now--I'm off my soap box. So that was a brief overview of my first SAT experience. Keep in mind, I won't get my results back until the 24th, thus I have no idea what my results are. However, I am honestly not concerned. Not because I have faith in my academic abilities, but because the night before my test (and weeks leading up to it, I might add) I spent a great deal of time in the presence of the Lord. I lay in bed, my heartbeat thundering in my ears and sleep seeming weeks in coming. Forsaking my beauty sleep, I turned on my music to drown out the pulse pounding in my ears, turned my eyes heavenward and simply chilled with Jesus. "'Okay, Lord, what should I be doing?'" was the question ever-present on my mind. (Note: the following is His response as written in my journal.) "'Exactly what you're doing! Continue going straight ahead. And relax. You know so much more than you think you do. Don't panic, it's not a matter of life or death. And don't give up--you can do anything through Me! Trust Me...and yourself. And you know what?--I'll be right there beside you! When I'm by your side, failure isn't an option! We'll do this together--we're a team, you and Me! I will be with you, by your side--they may only see one kid walking in, but there will be two people entering that room. I'm asking you to trust Me. Am I not God? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt Me? I am your biggest fan. I would never set you up for failure! Ever. Would I have brought you this far for nothing? This is your next step towards RIT--honestly, I would never set you up for failure! If RIT is My plan for you, then why on earth would you not pass the SAT (get a good score) and be accepted to RIT? I've got this! I have lit the path before you and am waiting for you to take a step forward in faith....'" I don't know about you, but I found that to be greatly encouraging. By the time I fell asleep that night, I was totally at peace...and had the most restful sleep I'd had in days! Imagine that!
Thinking on it, it seems that everything in my life right now requires me to trust Him. I'm serious--I can't even count on my fingers how many things are going on right now that I can't do a thing about. Every single aspect of my life requires trust. There is nothing I can do, but trust Him and believe that He's got it under control. Maybe you're feeling that way right now. Maybe you feel that your life is sliding out from under you or it's being turned upside down. Perhaps everything you know and love is slipping right through your fingers and there's nothing you can do about it. It's a scary feeling isn't it? The sense of helplessness can be overwhelming. But remember, transition/trust are very confusing places to be and God has been showing me that when I'm not certain what the next step should be, I simply need to seek Him and He'll reveal to me His plans! I have to do nothing but trust Him. He promises so in His Word: Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." Continue doing the last thing He told you until He tells you something new. And regardless of how it may seem, you are not in this alone--Jesus is far more interested in your problems than you are! So I believe He allows us to go through trials so we realize that when we seemingly have nothing--we really have everything (Him.) And He's all we need! Deuteronomy 4:29 says, "Seek the Lord and you'll find Him, if you search after Him with all your heart and all your soul." So be encouraged, you are not alone! He is there waiting with open arms, wanting to help you!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Skyping With the Kiddos!
Today marks the nineteenth day that I've been back in PA, away from my dear students and friends who obviously remain in Puerto Rico. It's strange how in many ways it seems as if I've been away forever. Many people continue to ask me if I'm happy to be back...I really haven't decided yet and I honestly do not know how to respond to this question. Thus, I simply reply, "I really don't know." Part of me, or rather, most all of me, yearns to be in Puerto Rico sitting in Betsy's classroom tutoring the kids in writing, or hanging in the library interpreting a story, or helping Francis study for her spelling test. There is simply no feeling or moment like it. And I miss those dear, silly kids more than anything! My heart has undoubtedly stayed on the island.
However, I am aware that for this season, the Lord wants me back here. Thus, I am glad to be in the center of His will where He wants me--I know I'd be miserable if I were not in His will. So I have many mixed emotions on the matter; longing to be at ESD in Puerto Rico, yet contenting myself with being in His will and doing all He asks of me.
I have continued to interpret church services for the Deaf man who is still attending every Sunday, thus I am learning and am able to practice my Signing. He says he can already see me improving--which is a great encouragement to know. Last Sunday, I interpreted the entire church service and all of the two-way conversations afterwards. I can certainly feel myself becoming more confident...both in my ability to relay information and receive that which is being signed to me. That evening, everyone returned to church for a special question-and-answer meeting, for which I interpreted as well. Then everyone stayed to chat for a while thereafter. All in all, I signed and interpreted for more than four hours straight. I am absolutely loving it! I pray that all I'm doing here will help me to improve so that when I return to Puerto Rico, I can be of a better assistance to Betsy.
I have also, already received several sweet letters from my roomie (to which I have already responded.) I will honestly say that when I opened the mailbox and saw two letters addressed to me in green gel pen with a return address from Francis, I could scarcely contain my delight. I rushed into the house and ripped them open, pouring over her news of the recent happenings at school. I laughed, rolled my eyes, fought tears, and said, "Ha-ha, that doesn't surprise me," and "Gosh, I wish I had been there!"
Everyday, throughout the morning and afternoon when I glance at the clock, I am mentally transported back to ESD. When I eat my breakfast in the morning, I think, "All of the students should have arrived by now, the flags have been raised, and everyone is in the chapel for songs and a Bible lesson." A little while later when I notice the time, I know they are in Betsy's classroom for Social Studies and math time. I finish my lunch break at 1 p.m. and I think, "Now Betsy's rounding up the kiddos from recess, where Mizael and Kevin were mostly likely playing on the tire-swing or practicing guitar with the girls, and they are all traipsing into the library for reading/study time." At 2:30 they are back in Betsy's classroom, homework has been handed out and they are discussing attitudes and the kindness portrayed throughout the day. And I know that at 3:30 everyone is grabbing their bags and are making their way home.
Although this past week has been really rough for me; especially last Friday. All of the stress was really weighing on my mind and I was on the verge of panicking. Studying for the SAT exam, writing essays and filling out my college application; all in addition to my other required schoolwork and new classes, while still trying to readjust to being back in here in PA was beginning to become oppressive. "Lord, keep me on track and help me focus on the tasks ahead of me! Please help me to relax and clear my mind!" Now this short plea may seem to some like an oxymoron, but please understand that in order for me to focus on the things I had to do, I first had to clear my mind and just chillax.
Being the wonderful God that He is, He answered my prayer within minutes when the sweet kids in Puerto Rico called me! My day instantly brightened when I spent most of my afternoon Skyping with them! I was able to completely forget my busy schedule/the papers I need to write--and just sign and joke with my dear friends. God is so good! They shared with me the recent happenings at ESD: telling me about the new student, describing how much fun they're having in guitar class, informing me of the fact that they're nearly done their spelling books in which practically everyone earned an A, discussing life in the dorms, laughing about their weekly adventures at church, etc. I laughed so hard at times I could scarcely breathe. At one point, the boys were across the room signing a song together while I was chatting with my "sisters." They later convinced the girls to join them and Mizael appointed me to sign the chorus of the song as they interpreted the rest. So there we sat, all signing along together. Even from my living room in PA, I can still join the kids in music/songs! How great is that? Oh, my heart was so happy! I felt for the near two hours, that I was really back in the school library chatting/signing face-to-face. Oh, Skype is my new best friend. Before they had to leave, we said, "Hasta luego," and promised to talk again this Friday....Believe me, I'm am ready to see them again!
However, I am aware that for this season, the Lord wants me back here. Thus, I am glad to be in the center of His will where He wants me--I know I'd be miserable if I were not in His will. So I have many mixed emotions on the matter; longing to be at ESD in Puerto Rico, yet contenting myself with being in His will and doing all He asks of me.
I have continued to interpret church services for the Deaf man who is still attending every Sunday, thus I am learning and am able to practice my Signing. He says he can already see me improving--which is a great encouragement to know. Last Sunday, I interpreted the entire church service and all of the two-way conversations afterwards. I can certainly feel myself becoming more confident...both in my ability to relay information and receive that which is being signed to me. That evening, everyone returned to church for a special question-and-answer meeting, for which I interpreted as well. Then everyone stayed to chat for a while thereafter. All in all, I signed and interpreted for more than four hours straight. I am absolutely loving it! I pray that all I'm doing here will help me to improve so that when I return to Puerto Rico, I can be of a better assistance to Betsy.
I have also, already received several sweet letters from my roomie (to which I have already responded.) I will honestly say that when I opened the mailbox and saw two letters addressed to me in green gel pen with a return address from Francis, I could scarcely contain my delight. I rushed into the house and ripped them open, pouring over her news of the recent happenings at school. I laughed, rolled my eyes, fought tears, and said, "Ha-ha, that doesn't surprise me," and "Gosh, I wish I had been there!"
Everyday, throughout the morning and afternoon when I glance at the clock, I am mentally transported back to ESD. When I eat my breakfast in the morning, I think, "All of the students should have arrived by now, the flags have been raised, and everyone is in the chapel for songs and a Bible lesson." A little while later when I notice the time, I know they are in Betsy's classroom for Social Studies and math time. I finish my lunch break at 1 p.m. and I think, "Now Betsy's rounding up the kiddos from recess, where Mizael and Kevin were mostly likely playing on the tire-swing or practicing guitar with the girls, and they are all traipsing into the library for reading/study time." At 2:30 they are back in Betsy's classroom, homework has been handed out and they are discussing attitudes and the kindness portrayed throughout the day. And I know that at 3:30 everyone is grabbing their bags and are making their way home.
 |
| Gosh, I miss this classroom and tutoring English class so very much ! |
Being the wonderful God that He is, He answered my prayer within minutes when the sweet kids in Puerto Rico called me! My day instantly brightened when I spent most of my afternoon Skyping with them! I was able to completely forget my busy schedule/the papers I need to write--and just sign and joke with my dear friends. God is so good! They shared with me the recent happenings at ESD: telling me about the new student, describing how much fun they're having in guitar class, informing me of the fact that they're nearly done their spelling books in which practically everyone earned an A, discussing life in the dorms, laughing about their weekly adventures at church, etc. I laughed so hard at times I could scarcely breathe. At one point, the boys were across the room signing a song together while I was chatting with my "sisters." They later convinced the girls to join them and Mizael appointed me to sign the chorus of the song as they interpreted the rest. So there we sat, all signing along together. Even from my living room in PA, I can still join the kids in music/songs! How great is that? Oh, my heart was so happy! I felt for the near two hours, that I was really back in the school library chatting/signing face-to-face. Oh, Skype is my new best friend. Before they had to leave, we said, "Hasta luego," and promised to talk again this Friday....Believe me, I'm am ready to see them again!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
It's Not Good-bye!
Late Friday night and early Saturday morning when I said farewell to the amazing students and staff who have blessed me beyond words; I reminded myself repeatedly that it was not "good-bye." Rather, "So-long, until I see you again!" (Hasta Luego!)
Although it is difficult (sometimes much harder than others,) I am also reminding myself that returning to Pennsylvania just is another step in my journey. And while coming back only to finish High School is anything but inspirational, I must follow where the Lord leads...which for this season, He is calling me back here. And right now, I must finish my senior year before I can move on to college and pursue the other things He has for me. This is a necessary step; one I must take if I want to continue in His will. And while the transition is not always easy, I must remember to be grateful for the time God has given me in Puerto Rico with those I care deeply for--instead of being discouraged that I cannot stay longer.
I know that I will return--But when, depends all on God's will. You had better believe that I am doing all I can to plan for my return!
I cried myself through the airport and decided to be prepared by stuffing extra napkins in my pocket for my return flight. Good thing I thought ahead.
I greeted my family at BWI and chattered nearly non-stop on the two hour drive home--sharing stories about school and telling them how wonderful the students and staff are. Thankfully the waterworks subsided and I continued gabbing about the kids--Knowing that if I continued telling funny stories that caused me to laugh, it made it harder to cry.
The "shock" of being in PA again, soon wore off. Thoughts of "God, what are you asking from me?" and "What can I possibly do here?" began assaulting my mind. I was for some reason under the impression that now that I was back in PA, I would be studying, studying, studying (which is more or less true.) I thought I would be working my butt off for the SAT exam, and would be so busy applying to colleges that I would have no time to chill with Deaf people or be able to do anything. I also felt in Puerto Rico, that I was actually doing something important--I felt useful, like I was doing something that mattered. Whereas here, I had the inclination that I would be working my tail off and apart from studying--I would be serving no purpose or doing any good. As you can imagine--that was very disheartening. The feeling of uselessness and boredom was driving me totally crazy.
The next morning dawned bright and early--and very cold. Although it was seventy-five degrees, I was honestly freezing. I was accustomed to temperatures close to one hundred and ridiculous humidity, so while everyone else wore shorts and t-shirts, I snuggled into my hoodie. What can I say? So dragging my limp body out of my bed, I tried my best to mentally prepare for church; determined to hold myself together--even if it meant gritting my teeth or quietly excusing myself. I knew I'd be greeted by many people and I inwardly braced myself for the onslaught of questions I knew would be coming and hoped I would be in the right state of mind to give intelligent answers.
"God, give me the strength to continue. Please show me that I'm still in the center of Your will...I need reassurance of this. Also, You know my thoughts and are aware of my growing feelings of uselessness. I feel completely inadequate and useless! Apart from my schoolwork, do I even have a purpose here? If there is anything I can do here in PA to serve You or if You actually have a purpose for me here at this time, please, please make it clear to me! I need to know and I need direction!" I cried out to God as I drove to church.
Taking a deep breath, I followed my family through the doors. I no sooner stepped in when a lady saw me and called, "Rachel! Thank goodness you're here." I smiled and gave her a sideways glance. Noticing the look of desperation on her face, I suspected there might be more to her declaration than merely welcoming me back...so I waited. But I can assure you, I wasn't at all prepared for her response. "There is a Deaf guy here...and he needs an interpreter!"
Huh-you hurt your what? I'm sure my jaw dropped as I stood there, stunned and speechless. I'm also sure at that instant, that she thought I was the deaf one.
"No, seriously, there's a Deaf guy in the sanctuary! He is communicating by pen and paper."
I dared a glance into the sanctuary and sure enough, I saw a middle-aged man sitting next to my aunt, writing furiously. Bingo. My pulse quickened and I was all but shaking. For real?! A Deaf guy at my church? For years I had searched and searched for Deaf people and have found a select few...but only after I've "sought them out" so to speak. But here a Deaf guy found me? This was almost too good to be true.
All dreary thoughts instantly vanished and, unable to help myself, I strode confidently into the sanctuary and introduced myself. Little did I know, I was getting myself in...very deep! During our conversation he informed me that he drove almost an hour to our church because God told him that there was someone who really needed encouragement.
"You!" He pointed a finger at me. "You're the person God sent me here to encourage. Remember, only God knows the future. But trust Him and He promises to work all things out for your good!"
I blinked and felt myself rocking backwards. I grabbed the back of a chair to steady myself as the reality of what he had just said, hit me like a blow to the jaw. Okay, let me analyze: God had sent him here to encourage me? A Deaf man, who lived an hour away and had never been to my church, came just to tell me to trust that God held my entire future in His hands and that I could trust Him? I blinked back the tears I had been so careful to hide. Suddenly the realization hit me full force: God had just answered the prayer I had muttered on my way to church! He was confirming that I was in His will and He was showing me that I can be used while I'm here/He wants to use me in PA! Booyah!
Encouraged beyond words, I jumped right in. So for the remaining four hours, I was the resident interpreter at Open Arms. I interpreted all of the songs and the entire sermon to the best of my ability. (It was rather awkward when the pastor equated pressing through difficult times in our walk with God, to a woman giving birth.) How on earth do I make that correlate in Sign with my limited technical vocabulary? Oh, where was Betsy when I needed her?! But I survived nonetheless and stayed around afterwards for all of the introductions and encouraging words. Interpreting for a dozen of people, Sign to voice and vice versa! Wow. That was incredible!
And this Sunday he returned, so I once again interpreted the entire service as well as his conversations with others. I'm loving it! That reassured/proved to me that I am needed during my time here in PA and that I can use my gift of Sign, too. I can see that God is certainly preparing me for my destiny in working with the Deaf! The Lord is so good!
Although it is difficult (sometimes much harder than others,) I am also reminding myself that returning to Pennsylvania just is another step in my journey. And while coming back only to finish High School is anything but inspirational, I must follow where the Lord leads...which for this season, He is calling me back here. And right now, I must finish my senior year before I can move on to college and pursue the other things He has for me. This is a necessary step; one I must take if I want to continue in His will. And while the transition is not always easy, I must remember to be grateful for the time God has given me in Puerto Rico with those I care deeply for--instead of being discouraged that I cannot stay longer.
I know that I will return--But when, depends all on God's will. You had better believe that I am doing all I can to plan for my return!
I cried myself through the airport and decided to be prepared by stuffing extra napkins in my pocket for my return flight. Good thing I thought ahead.
I greeted my family at BWI and chattered nearly non-stop on the two hour drive home--sharing stories about school and telling them how wonderful the students and staff are. Thankfully the waterworks subsided and I continued gabbing about the kids--Knowing that if I continued telling funny stories that caused me to laugh, it made it harder to cry.
The "shock" of being in PA again, soon wore off. Thoughts of "God, what are you asking from me?" and "What can I possibly do here?" began assaulting my mind. I was for some reason under the impression that now that I was back in PA, I would be studying, studying, studying (which is more or less true.) I thought I would be working my butt off for the SAT exam, and would be so busy applying to colleges that I would have no time to chill with Deaf people or be able to do anything. I also felt in Puerto Rico, that I was actually doing something important--I felt useful, like I was doing something that mattered. Whereas here, I had the inclination that I would be working my tail off and apart from studying--I would be serving no purpose or doing any good. As you can imagine--that was very disheartening. The feeling of uselessness and boredom was driving me totally crazy.
The next morning dawned bright and early--and very cold. Although it was seventy-five degrees, I was honestly freezing. I was accustomed to temperatures close to one hundred and ridiculous humidity, so while everyone else wore shorts and t-shirts, I snuggled into my hoodie. What can I say? So dragging my limp body out of my bed, I tried my best to mentally prepare for church; determined to hold myself together--even if it meant gritting my teeth or quietly excusing myself. I knew I'd be greeted by many people and I inwardly braced myself for the onslaught of questions I knew would be coming and hoped I would be in the right state of mind to give intelligent answers.
"God, give me the strength to continue. Please show me that I'm still in the center of Your will...I need reassurance of this. Also, You know my thoughts and are aware of my growing feelings of uselessness. I feel completely inadequate and useless! Apart from my schoolwork, do I even have a purpose here? If there is anything I can do here in PA to serve You or if You actually have a purpose for me here at this time, please, please make it clear to me! I need to know and I need direction!" I cried out to God as I drove to church.
Taking a deep breath, I followed my family through the doors. I no sooner stepped in when a lady saw me and called, "Rachel! Thank goodness you're here." I smiled and gave her a sideways glance. Noticing the look of desperation on her face, I suspected there might be more to her declaration than merely welcoming me back...so I waited. But I can assure you, I wasn't at all prepared for her response. "There is a Deaf guy here...and he needs an interpreter!"
Huh-you hurt your what? I'm sure my jaw dropped as I stood there, stunned and speechless. I'm also sure at that instant, that she thought I was the deaf one.
"No, seriously, there's a Deaf guy in the sanctuary! He is communicating by pen and paper."
I dared a glance into the sanctuary and sure enough, I saw a middle-aged man sitting next to my aunt, writing furiously. Bingo. My pulse quickened and I was all but shaking. For real?! A Deaf guy at my church? For years I had searched and searched for Deaf people and have found a select few...but only after I've "sought them out" so to speak. But here a Deaf guy found me? This was almost too good to be true.
All dreary thoughts instantly vanished and, unable to help myself, I strode confidently into the sanctuary and introduced myself. Little did I know, I was getting myself in...very deep! During our conversation he informed me that he drove almost an hour to our church because God told him that there was someone who really needed encouragement.
"You!" He pointed a finger at me. "You're the person God sent me here to encourage. Remember, only God knows the future. But trust Him and He promises to work all things out for your good!"
I blinked and felt myself rocking backwards. I grabbed the back of a chair to steady myself as the reality of what he had just said, hit me like a blow to the jaw. Okay, let me analyze: God had sent him here to encourage me? A Deaf man, who lived an hour away and had never been to my church, came just to tell me to trust that God held my entire future in His hands and that I could trust Him? I blinked back the tears I had been so careful to hide. Suddenly the realization hit me full force: God had just answered the prayer I had muttered on my way to church! He was confirming that I was in His will and He was showing me that I can be used while I'm here/He wants to use me in PA! Booyah!
Encouraged beyond words, I jumped right in. So for the remaining four hours, I was the resident interpreter at Open Arms. I interpreted all of the songs and the entire sermon to the best of my ability. (It was rather awkward when the pastor equated pressing through difficult times in our walk with God, to a woman giving birth.) How on earth do I make that correlate in Sign with my limited technical vocabulary? Oh, where was Betsy when I needed her?! But I survived nonetheless and stayed around afterwards for all of the introductions and encouraging words. Interpreting for a dozen of people, Sign to voice and vice versa! Wow. That was incredible!
And this Sunday he returned, so I once again interpreted the entire service as well as his conversations with others. I'm loving it! That reassured/proved to me that I am needed during my time here in PA and that I can use my gift of Sign, too. I can see that God is certainly preparing me for my destiny in working with the Deaf! The Lord is so good!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
PR, Pasos, Pools, and Pizza!
I finally have a minute to sit down and take a breath! *deep sigh* As I mentioned earlier, Friday was amazing! (Let me preface it by first saying that, ever since I was eight years old and saw a Paso Fino Horse--I have dreamt of riding one. Although, in the States they are very rare so my chances immediately dwindled into single digits--but then I discovered that in Puerto Rico; Pasos are all they have! Booyah!) So to make a long story short, I asked Betsy if I could ride before I left Puerto Rico and after she agreed, we decided to bring the students along! How cool is that?! But there was a "slight" problem with that plan. You see, first of all, the people at the stables gave Betsy a hard time about renting horses and bringing a group. They wouldn't guarantee us horses and basically just wished us luck. How disheartening. So for the next week, we were trying not to get our hopes up. But on Thursday afternoon, Betsy gathered everyone in her classroom and assessed the situation. "Okay, I'm going to call the stables again--start praying!" She hung up her phone five minutes later, announcing that we would be going on Friday afternoon and that there would be a horse for everyone! God is so good and definitely answers prayers!
I awoke early on Friday, beyond excited for our outing later that morning. I looked out the window to see black clouds swirling outside. Oh lovely. Rain; something we really didn't need. I rolled over and heard the pouring rain. "Okay God, we have finally gotten permission to ride. You've gotten us this far. Please hold off the rain until we return home from our ride. Please?"
After I was finished leading chapel and Carlos Motta had finished his Bible lesson, we all stepped outside into the bright, warm sunlight. The oppressive storm clouds had cleared off, leaving a bright blue sky in their wake. Yes! We all piled into a huge white van and half an hour later, we were all on our horses, trotting through the rainforest. Since I'm an experienced rider, I was given a stubborn chestnut gelding. Larimar, Kevin and I raced along the trail and Mizael followed on his little bay (he was adorable, bouncing along in his saddle with his little seatbelt,) careful to avoid Kevin's horse that had a terrible habit of side-kicking. I came to the conclusion that riding and neck-reining with one hand while Signing with the other, is something I feel I should become skilled at.
Trotting along the riverbank, Kathryn rode alongside me, "You are looking very professional there, Rachel." She smiled as I neck-reined my horse back on the trail. "But with your hairnet, you look like a lunch-lady." I couldn't help but laugh. What a way to boost my self-confidence--She is such an encouragement. The rest of the ride was just wonderful and was even more exciting than I had anticipated! And the fact that the kids could accompany me, made it so special and memorable.
hours later, we returned to the school and everyone crowded into the kitchen for lunch. I sat down at a table, tired and hot. I looked outside and noticed the dark clouds looming overhead. Soon the rain was pouring down. Wow--God is so good! Just as I had asked, He held the rain off until we returned from our horseback ride! So awesome! I sat with the kids and ate my lunch, relishing the feel of the fan overhead. It was one of the hottest days I could remember and my shirt was so sweaty, I could practically wring it out--no lie. What I wouldn't have given for a shower....But that dream was absolutely unrealistic; there was no way I could leave the kids to go get a shower. So as Betsy would say--Too bad, so sad. I ate my delicious plate of spaghetti and washed my dishes before taking the students outside for recess. Betsy met me, barefoot and dressed in her horsey clothes, at the office and motioned for me to follow her. "I'm about to do something stupid...." Not incredibly surprised by this announcement, I walked with her across the courtyard. She limped over to where Joella's little kiddy pool was and before I could stop her, she abruptly fell in; fully clothed. I stood watching and laughing as she splashed around and soaked her hair. "Bring me a kid!" She finally called to me, "I need help."
I looked around and spotted Kevin standing outside a classroom. "Kevin!" Betsy and I screamed in unison. He spun around and his eyes went wide when he saw Betsy splashing in the kiddy pool; but nonetheless he walked towards us.
"Kevin! Kevin!" Betsy shouted and Signed, "I wanna get out. I need help! Kevin, help me!"
Thus, being the gentleman that he is, he grabbed her outstretched hand. "It's okay, Betsy, I'll help you! I've got you!" With Betsy's entire wellbeing depending completely on him, Kevin's sense of chivalry overcame him as he tried to pull her from the pool. Thus blinded by his own sense of goodwill, he missed the mischievous wink Betsy sent my way. "Watch your shoes," Betsy warned him. Completely baffled, he glanced down at his precious sneakers. Seizing the moment of distraction, Betsy grabbed his arm and jerked. Before I could warn him of her conniving, ulterior motives, Betsy pulled him right into the pool beside her with a huge splash! For what seemed like minutes, he just lay there, face-down in the water, unmoving.
"Oh, Betsy! You've killed him." I ambled over to assess the situation and shrugged. "Oh well...."
She rolled her eyes and began elbowing him, "Kevin, get up!" The twitch of his hand was his only response. Only after Betsy slipped off his shoes and tossed them in the yard, did he finally sit up and breathe. But by this time, a crowd had gathered around the pool. "Well, who's next?" Betsy waved them in, "C'mon people--don't just stand there--get in!" Her gaze rested on me. "C'mon, girlie!"
I looked from the group of baffled students to where Betsy and Kevin sat drenched in the pool. Eh, what the heck. I kicked off my shoes and plunged into the water. Ah, how wonderful the water felt! Forget the shower--this was just as refreshing! Next, Mizael cannon-balled in with Juan and Larimar following. Bazooka, Betsy's Great Dane ran laps around us, barking as we all laughed and splashed each other while Kristian dragged over the hose and began spraying everyone in sight. Oh, that was so much fun! (And I was able to go upstairs to my room to change into dry clothes...a benefit of being "on staff," while everyone else sat in the sun to dry.)
Then, as a last hurrah before I flew back to PA, Kevin invited me to go see a movie with Larimar, Mizael and him. But I had to admit that as he was explaining the movie to me, I was rather skeptical. It appeared to be a decent movie with a good rating, but A Sea of Monsters was not exactly what I'd had in mind. But hey, you only live once, right? So I agreed to expand my horizons. (After getting everyone's permission of course,) we made our plans and Kevin's mom picked me up at the school before we met Larimar and Mizael's families in town. I must say; the movie by far exceeded my expectations and I was greatly amused. I mean honestly: Puerto Rico, Signing, popcorn, soda, a movie and some awesome friends--It doesn't get any better than that!
After the movie was finished, I gave dear little Mizael a huge hug and promised to write to him. Oh, saying farewell is never easy! Then we walked down the street and bought a pizza, chilling and chatting. What fun! Then it was time to say adios to sweet Larimar. The raw reality that I would be leaving in mere hours was almost too much. I gritted my teeth against the flood of emotions that threatened to choke me. Betsy had forewarned me that if I cried, I couldn't come back. With my promise to be strong, forefront in my mind, I refused to give in. I held my "twin" tight, thanked her for an amazing four weeks, and promised to Skype her.
Before I said/did anything dumb, I slowly followed Kevin to the car, feeling much like a lost puppy. Five good-byes down, one more to go. On the ride home, I was quiet and forced myself to act normal; trying my best to ignore my irksome emotions. We arrived at the school and I turned to say farewell to Kevin. I gave my bro a hug and thanked him for the encouragement he had been to me and for all the help he had given me during school. I scrambled out of the car and when the gate opened, I stepped onto campus with a parting wave. That was the last I will see of the students until we Skype and I return....But the Lord is with me and He is my strength! And it's not "good-bye"...it's "so-long, until we meet again!"
I awoke early on Friday, beyond excited for our outing later that morning. I looked out the window to see black clouds swirling outside. Oh lovely. Rain; something we really didn't need. I rolled over and heard the pouring rain. "Okay God, we have finally gotten permission to ride. You've gotten us this far. Please hold off the rain until we return home from our ride. Please?"
 |
| Mizael on his little Paso Fino with his seatbelt! |
Trotting along the riverbank, Kathryn rode alongside me, "You are looking very professional there, Rachel." She smiled as I neck-reined my horse back on the trail. "But with your hairnet, you look like a lunch-lady." I couldn't help but laugh. What a way to boost my self-confidence--She is such an encouragement. The rest of the ride was just wonderful and was even more exciting than I had anticipated! And the fact that the kids could accompany me, made it so special and memorable.
 |
| Our group plodding along towards the rainforest! |
I looked around and spotted Kevin standing outside a classroom. "Kevin!" Betsy and I screamed in unison. He spun around and his eyes went wide when he saw Betsy splashing in the kiddy pool; but nonetheless he walked towards us.
"Kevin! Kevin!" Betsy shouted and Signed, "I wanna get out. I need help! Kevin, help me!"
Thus, being the gentleman that he is, he grabbed her outstretched hand. "It's okay, Betsy, I'll help you! I've got you!" With Betsy's entire wellbeing depending completely on him, Kevin's sense of chivalry overcame him as he tried to pull her from the pool. Thus blinded by his own sense of goodwill, he missed the mischievous wink Betsy sent my way. "Watch your shoes," Betsy warned him. Completely baffled, he glanced down at his precious sneakers. Seizing the moment of distraction, Betsy grabbed his arm and jerked. Before I could warn him of her conniving, ulterior motives, Betsy pulled him right into the pool beside her with a huge splash! For what seemed like minutes, he just lay there, face-down in the water, unmoving.
"Oh, Betsy! You've killed him." I ambled over to assess the situation and shrugged. "Oh well...."
She rolled her eyes and began elbowing him, "Kevin, get up!" The twitch of his hand was his only response. Only after Betsy slipped off his shoes and tossed them in the yard, did he finally sit up and breathe. But by this time, a crowd had gathered around the pool. "Well, who's next?" Betsy waved them in, "C'mon people--don't just stand there--get in!" Her gaze rested on me. "C'mon, girlie!"
I looked from the group of baffled students to where Betsy and Kevin sat drenched in the pool. Eh, what the heck. I kicked off my shoes and plunged into the water. Ah, how wonderful the water felt! Forget the shower--this was just as refreshing! Next, Mizael cannon-balled in with Juan and Larimar following. Bazooka, Betsy's Great Dane ran laps around us, barking as we all laughed and splashed each other while Kristian dragged over the hose and began spraying everyone in sight. Oh, that was so much fun! (And I was able to go upstairs to my room to change into dry clothes...a benefit of being "on staff," while everyone else sat in the sun to dry.)
 |
| Chilling with Kevin, Mizael and his mother at the movies! :) |
After the movie was finished, I gave dear little Mizael a huge hug and promised to write to him. Oh, saying farewell is never easy! Then we walked down the street and bought a pizza, chilling and chatting. What fun! Then it was time to say adios to sweet Larimar. The raw reality that I would be leaving in mere hours was almost too much. I gritted my teeth against the flood of emotions that threatened to choke me. Betsy had forewarned me that if I cried, I couldn't come back. With my promise to be strong, forefront in my mind, I refused to give in. I held my "twin" tight, thanked her for an amazing four weeks, and promised to Skype her.
Before I said/did anything dumb, I slowly followed Kevin to the car, feeling much like a lost puppy. Five good-byes down, one more to go. On the ride home, I was quiet and forced myself to act normal; trying my best to ignore my irksome emotions. We arrived at the school and I turned to say farewell to Kevin. I gave my bro a hug and thanked him for the encouragement he had been to me and for all the help he had given me during school. I scrambled out of the car and when the gate opened, I stepped onto campus with a parting wave. That was the last I will see of the students until we Skype and I return....But the Lord is with me and He is my strength! And it's not "good-bye"...it's "so-long, until we meet again!"
Friday, August 30, 2013
Still No Time....
I realize it has been a few days since I have written--so for this, you have my sincerest apologies! However, there is so much to say and I neither have space nor time to write it, thus I will postpone the many details of my adventures until I actually have time to sit and process all of the things that have happened.
So suffice it to say...today was amazing! And that I had an absolute blast. And that I somehow managed to hold it together while saying, "See you later," to the students. And I am beyond exhausted, so I am going to bed now. While the rest of my packing will get done in the morning.
God is so good!
So suffice it to say...today was amazing! And that I had an absolute blast. And that I somehow managed to hold it together while saying, "See you later," to the students. And I am beyond exhausted, so I am going to bed now. While the rest of my packing will get done in the morning.
God is so good!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Blowing My Socks Off!
As I have been reflecting on my past five weeks here and all I have seen and done; I am greatly humbled by what God has and is still doing--and by everything these wonderful people here have blessed me with.
For so long, I have felt complacent....I had my doubts that I was improving in my Signing and was concerned that I had been loosing what little I have learned. (Last year was so crazy-busy that I barely had time to attend any ASL Socials or interact with any Deaf, thus my Signing suffered greatly.) And although this is my third year studying ASL, I still felt like I didn't know much. I was also anxious about my signing here, fearing I had indeed forgotten things and that I would only confuse the students and create more work for Betsy.
Not to mention the tantalizing idea of becoming an Interpreter seemed to loom before me like an insurmountable mountain. But God continued to make His will for me as an interpreter, clear. So believing that He knew what He was talking about, I came and have done my best to push aside my self-consciousness and to Sign to the best of my ability.
I have realized during these past five weeks that, for one, my Signing has drastically improved! Imagine that? When I first arrived, I struggled with understanding another's Signs. My receptive skills seriously needed some work. I had to really focus, uninterrupted to be able to follow a conversation. And to interpret for someone else--Forget it! I was further irked that I always asked people to repeat things and frequently stumbled over my own words--or, hands, rather. I felt so frustrated at my lack of understanding and my inability to properly put my own thoughts into Signs. I asked others to interpret when I did not understand (which was fairly often) and I would frequently ask, "What's the sign for __________?"
But this past week, I have noticed, to my great surprise that I rarely asked people for the meaning of Signs and I have not needed an interpreter. In fact, I have interpreted many times for the new girl who came and doesn't know Sign. I also began to realize that as I tutor students, I am able to explain their English or math to them without asking Betsy more than two questions. It's a miracle!
At first, when I began to realize that I wasn't asking questions or inquiring about how something should be Signed, I was worried. Was I doing something wrong? Was I not Signing enough? And then I understood--I wasn't asking questions because I already knew. I wasn't asking Betsy how to Sign words because I either knew them or could continue my conversation by using a synonym that I already knew.
As I compare, I see where I have improved: From when I had to work hard to understand someone Signing, to now when I can easily understand someone. Like yesterday for instance...I was at a classroom and Kristian was the entire way across the courtyard Signing to me. He was so far away that at first, I wasn't sure if he was talking to me. Although by the time I realized this, he was Signing so quickly that I nearly missed what he said. But as I squinted and watched him, I understood within seconds and was on my way to fetch Mizael to help clean the kitchen. And I really wasn't concentrating that hard!
Another thing I have noticed too, that also terrified me at first was that I no longer really pay attention if someone is voicing or Signing. Reading Sign has become so natural that I don't think twice about it. Take for instance the other morning in chapel. Betsy was up front Signing her lesson and I was focusing on her Sign, understanding everything clearly. Beside me, Juan spilled his water and when I got distracted and looked down, away from her Signs, I realized that she was voicing as she Signed. I was surprised. I had understood her Sign so well that I hadn't even realized she had been talking. This also happened in church when she was interpreting. She doesn't voice in church, but I understood her Signing so well, that I thought she was and I asked Rosa if she had talked or only Signed. And the other day when someone said something in Spanish, I responded accordingly, not even realizing they were talking in Spanish. I only knew that I understood them, and what my response should be. Spanish, English, Sign--I don't care how you talk to me, just as long as I understand you. Just sayin'....
Another thing is that I had been so afraid I had lost some of my Signs...I really doubt that I did. But just after one day with the students, it all came flooding back to me and it was as if I had never "taken a break!" And I am learning so much about Deaf Culture and tons of new Signs that I wonder how boring and stuffy my conversations had been before....
And I will willingly admit, that obviously I still have such a long way to go and still have so much yet to learn. But I have a funny story. I have gotten into the habit of, if I don't know the Sign for something and there's no one I can ask, I will make it up. I invent it in the moment and if the Deaf person doesn't understand what I'm trying to convey, then we'd go from there, but first, I would do the best I could. So yesterday, I was teaching the new helper some signs and I was interpreting a book for her. I saw several words I didn't know--words I had never used before in all my years of Signing. I invented then off the top of my head and said to use those Sign until I could verify it with someone else. Later I asked about the Signs and realized that all of my "imagined Signs" were actually the correct, legit Signs for those words! Who knew, right!? So cool....And today in the library, Francis was reading a book and asked me what the word "Branch" meant. I thought about it for a second before making up a Sign...(because there is no real Sign for branch.) She laughed and I wondered if I had been terribly wrong. When I asked her what was the matter, she said that Kevin was also answering her question and that, without knowing, he and I were both using the same exact Sign to describe the word "Branch." So he was sitting behind me, doing the exact same thing to describe "branch" that I had just come up with from the top of my head. Neato! How funny!
But in all seriousness, I am beyond surprised! I had no idea I could understand people this well--or express myself for that matter...especially after only four weeks of school! This is certainly an act of God! He told me before I came that He would blow my socks off--I had no idea He meant it like this!
I was also astonished when I was told after only my second week here, that I was considered to be "conversationally fluent." Who knew?! I was told that I was advanced and that I knew what I was doing--but I just needed to believe that and have faith in myself. That there is the kicker. Although, I must admit, the prospect of my becoming an interpreter is beginning to brighten. I may be able to imagine that happening now. It may actually be possible. Although, I know that with HIS help, anything is possible!
For so long, I have felt complacent....I had my doubts that I was improving in my Signing and was concerned that I had been loosing what little I have learned. (Last year was so crazy-busy that I barely had time to attend any ASL Socials or interact with any Deaf, thus my Signing suffered greatly.) And although this is my third year studying ASL, I still felt like I didn't know much. I was also anxious about my signing here, fearing I had indeed forgotten things and that I would only confuse the students and create more work for Betsy.
Not to mention the tantalizing idea of becoming an Interpreter seemed to loom before me like an insurmountable mountain. But God continued to make His will for me as an interpreter, clear. So believing that He knew what He was talking about, I came and have done my best to push aside my self-consciousness and to Sign to the best of my ability.
I have realized during these past five weeks that, for one, my Signing has drastically improved! Imagine that? When I first arrived, I struggled with understanding another's Signs. My receptive skills seriously needed some work. I had to really focus, uninterrupted to be able to follow a conversation. And to interpret for someone else--Forget it! I was further irked that I always asked people to repeat things and frequently stumbled over my own words--or, hands, rather. I felt so frustrated at my lack of understanding and my inability to properly put my own thoughts into Signs. I asked others to interpret when I did not understand (which was fairly often) and I would frequently ask, "What's the sign for __________?"
But this past week, I have noticed, to my great surprise that I rarely asked people for the meaning of Signs and I have not needed an interpreter. In fact, I have interpreted many times for the new girl who came and doesn't know Sign. I also began to realize that as I tutor students, I am able to explain their English or math to them without asking Betsy more than two questions. It's a miracle!
At first, when I began to realize that I wasn't asking questions or inquiring about how something should be Signed, I was worried. Was I doing something wrong? Was I not Signing enough? And then I understood--I wasn't asking questions because I already knew. I wasn't asking Betsy how to Sign words because I either knew them or could continue my conversation by using a synonym that I already knew.
As I compare, I see where I have improved: From when I had to work hard to understand someone Signing, to now when I can easily understand someone. Like yesterday for instance...I was at a classroom and Kristian was the entire way across the courtyard Signing to me. He was so far away that at first, I wasn't sure if he was talking to me. Although by the time I realized this, he was Signing so quickly that I nearly missed what he said. But as I squinted and watched him, I understood within seconds and was on my way to fetch Mizael to help clean the kitchen. And I really wasn't concentrating that hard!
Another thing I have noticed too, that also terrified me at first was that I no longer really pay attention if someone is voicing or Signing. Reading Sign has become so natural that I don't think twice about it. Take for instance the other morning in chapel. Betsy was up front Signing her lesson and I was focusing on her Sign, understanding everything clearly. Beside me, Juan spilled his water and when I got distracted and looked down, away from her Signs, I realized that she was voicing as she Signed. I was surprised. I had understood her Sign so well that I hadn't even realized she had been talking. This also happened in church when she was interpreting. She doesn't voice in church, but I understood her Signing so well, that I thought she was and I asked Rosa if she had talked or only Signed. And the other day when someone said something in Spanish, I responded accordingly, not even realizing they were talking in Spanish. I only knew that I understood them, and what my response should be. Spanish, English, Sign--I don't care how you talk to me, just as long as I understand you. Just sayin'....
Another thing is that I had been so afraid I had lost some of my Signs...I really doubt that I did. But just after one day with the students, it all came flooding back to me and it was as if I had never "taken a break!" And I am learning so much about Deaf Culture and tons of new Signs that I wonder how boring and stuffy my conversations had been before....
And I will willingly admit, that obviously I still have such a long way to go and still have so much yet to learn. But I have a funny story. I have gotten into the habit of, if I don't know the Sign for something and there's no one I can ask, I will make it up. I invent it in the moment and if the Deaf person doesn't understand what I'm trying to convey, then we'd go from there, but first, I would do the best I could. So yesterday, I was teaching the new helper some signs and I was interpreting a book for her. I saw several words I didn't know--words I had never used before in all my years of Signing. I invented then off the top of my head and said to use those Sign until I could verify it with someone else. Later I asked about the Signs and realized that all of my "imagined Signs" were actually the correct, legit Signs for those words! Who knew, right!? So cool....And today in the library, Francis was reading a book and asked me what the word "Branch" meant. I thought about it for a second before making up a Sign...(because there is no real Sign for branch.) She laughed and I wondered if I had been terribly wrong. When I asked her what was the matter, she said that Kevin was also answering her question and that, without knowing, he and I were both using the same exact Sign to describe the word "Branch." So he was sitting behind me, doing the exact same thing to describe "branch" that I had just come up with from the top of my head. Neato! How funny!
But in all seriousness, I am beyond surprised! I had no idea I could understand people this well--or express myself for that matter...especially after only four weeks of school! This is certainly an act of God! He told me before I came that He would blow my socks off--I had no idea He meant it like this!
I was also astonished when I was told after only my second week here, that I was considered to be "conversationally fluent." Who knew?! I was told that I was advanced and that I knew what I was doing--but I just needed to believe that and have faith in myself. That there is the kicker. Although, I must admit, the prospect of my becoming an interpreter is beginning to brighten. I may be able to imagine that happening now. It may actually be possible. Although, I know that with HIS help, anything is possible!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Blessings In Disguise!
Ever since I discovered last summer that ESD has a handbell choir, I included it on my "Puerto Rico-wish-list;" hoping that while I was here, I could finally see the kids perform a song. But my dreams were cruelly dashed when Betsy told me weeks ago that she was retiring from her role as "Handbell Instructor." Really? Just my luck.... She said that if I really wanted to hear them, I should talk to Kristian and Kevin and get them on that--because she was washing her hands of it all! In other words: she's finished with the bells. Period, end of story. And the subject is really not open for debate. Hmm, I'd have to figure that one out...
So during these past few weeks I have not forgotten about them, but instead simply decided not to mention them unless directly asked. No big deal.
After lunch this afternoon, we all crowded into the library to watch a movie that had just arrived in the mail--that being One Night With The King since it correlated with our Bible lesson about Esther. I had walked into class a little late as we had lost the dog and I was out searching for him. "...All of the batteries in this remote are dead." I heard Betsy mutter. "In fact all of the batteries seem to be dead! Does anyone else have any I could use?" I had no sooner taken my seat when Betsy paused to turn and look at me. Knowing I was in her sights, I smiled and waited patiently for her to comment. "I need water...would you go to my home and take care of that?"
I looked at her and frowned, "Now? In the middle of class?" The students stared at me as I stood.
"Yeah, now. Stay away for at least three, four, or five minutes--or whenever you come back!"
I shook my head as I weaved my way through the conglomeration of chairs, tables and students that crowded the room. "Trust me," Betsy called out after me. Yeah okay, whatever that meant.
By the time I returned, they had already begun the movie and everyone watched me as I came in. Interesting. So I gathered they had been talking about me. How lovely...what had I done now?
The movie first half hour of the movie was finished and Betsy turned first to Kevin. "What's happened so far?" Her question was met with a blank stare. She returned the stare with an unspoken challenge before reinstating her question. He sighed, "Uh, I dunno...." She glared at him, "Where have you been? I'm sitting here interpreting this for you and you don't remember anything that's happened?"
I glanced from Betsy to Kevin. Oh boy--literally. I could see this was not going to end well. Kevin waved at her and I looked back at Betsy. He shrugged, "Well, there was this one guy...Haman?" She nodded in annoyance, "Why won't you focus?" She ignored his next interjection and turned instead to Kristian. "What did you learn?" Kristian sat back in his chair, "I don't know...."
Betsy shook her head despondently, "Neither of you have been paying me any attention?! I can see I am totally wasting my time!" She shooed them towards the door. "Out! Out with both of you! Go to the chapel, get down on your knees and pray for forgiveness...and that I'll have mercy on your sorry behinds!" They rocketed from their seats and charged towards the door, arguing the entire way.
Everyone was silent. I risked a befuddled glance at Betsy. I had never seen her like that. It was not like her to react that way--something must have been very wrong. Because she was madder than a hornet! At that instant she turned her fiery gaze towards me. My smile instantly vanished. She jabbed a finger in my direction, "You!" Uh-oh, whatever it was, I swear I didn't do it! She thrust money at me--"Go to the store, I need batteries! Now, go!"
Inwardly I was slightly reluctant to leave for the store when my kids where there, but one glance at her face assured me that it was definitely a good idea. So Amanda and Juan escorted me to the store and assisted in my quest for AA Batteries.
We returned within the half hour and when I climbed out of the car, I was surprised to see the campus seemingly abandoned. The classrooms were also vacant, so my only viable alternative being the chapel, which was eerily silent. As I opened the door, I noted with great concern that it too was empty. This allowed for a moment of panic when I wondered if perhaps the rapture had come--and if so--why was I still here?! As I stepped into the room, a cheer went up from the front of the chapel. I jumped and looked to where all of the students stood in uniform behind a table--full of bells and music books! My heart skipped in my chest and my stomach clenched as I bit back the tears that threatened to choke me. It was simply perfect--even down to the little pairs of white gloves.
"Surprise! Ha-ha, we fooled you!" Kevin announced as I struggled to regain my composure. That I couldn't argue with, "Yeah, you sure did!" I managed to choke out. The others joined in with similar comments and I learned that the entire drama in the library was just part of the whole gig. I realized that these people are great at keeping secrets! And that I'm entirely too trusting. Betsy smiled; "The boys had to come set up and I was trying to think of a way to possibly get rid of you...."
Yeah, for the time being it worked...but I came right back. Sorry to say that you won't get rid of me that easily! I took my seat and they began playing their song. I alternately laughed and blinked back tears--my heart was so content. And to think, they went to all of this trouble just for me. How special! They ended the beautiful song with a shout of: "All for you, Rachel!" At that instant, my heart exploded. I embraced each one of those precious students and Betsy, thanking them from the bottom of my heart for all they have done for me! What a precious moment!
Thinking back on it, at the moment when I was sent to buy the batteries we didn't necessarily need, I was less than enthusiastic, but I was blessed beyond words at what was waiting for me!
Thanks guys for making my day so incredibly special--that meant the world to me! Love ya'll!
So during these past few weeks I have not forgotten about them, but instead simply decided not to mention them unless directly asked. No big deal.
After lunch this afternoon, we all crowded into the library to watch a movie that had just arrived in the mail--that being One Night With The King since it correlated with our Bible lesson about Esther. I had walked into class a little late as we had lost the dog and I was out searching for him. "...All of the batteries in this remote are dead." I heard Betsy mutter. "In fact all of the batteries seem to be dead! Does anyone else have any I could use?" I had no sooner taken my seat when Betsy paused to turn and look at me. Knowing I was in her sights, I smiled and waited patiently for her to comment. "I need water...would you go to my home and take care of that?"
I looked at her and frowned, "Now? In the middle of class?" The students stared at me as I stood.
"Yeah, now. Stay away for at least three, four, or five minutes--or whenever you come back!"
I shook my head as I weaved my way through the conglomeration of chairs, tables and students that crowded the room. "Trust me," Betsy called out after me. Yeah okay, whatever that meant.
By the time I returned, they had already begun the movie and everyone watched me as I came in. Interesting. So I gathered they had been talking about me. How lovely...what had I done now?
The movie first half hour of the movie was finished and Betsy turned first to Kevin. "What's happened so far?" Her question was met with a blank stare. She returned the stare with an unspoken challenge before reinstating her question. He sighed, "Uh, I dunno...." She glared at him, "Where have you been? I'm sitting here interpreting this for you and you don't remember anything that's happened?"
I glanced from Betsy to Kevin. Oh boy--literally. I could see this was not going to end well. Kevin waved at her and I looked back at Betsy. He shrugged, "Well, there was this one guy...Haman?" She nodded in annoyance, "Why won't you focus?" She ignored his next interjection and turned instead to Kristian. "What did you learn?" Kristian sat back in his chair, "I don't know...."
Betsy shook her head despondently, "Neither of you have been paying me any attention?! I can see I am totally wasting my time!" She shooed them towards the door. "Out! Out with both of you! Go to the chapel, get down on your knees and pray for forgiveness...and that I'll have mercy on your sorry behinds!" They rocketed from their seats and charged towards the door, arguing the entire way.
Everyone was silent. I risked a befuddled glance at Betsy. I had never seen her like that. It was not like her to react that way--something must have been very wrong. Because she was madder than a hornet! At that instant she turned her fiery gaze towards me. My smile instantly vanished. She jabbed a finger in my direction, "You!" Uh-oh, whatever it was, I swear I didn't do it! She thrust money at me--"Go to the store, I need batteries! Now, go!"
Inwardly I was slightly reluctant to leave for the store when my kids where there, but one glance at her face assured me that it was definitely a good idea. So Amanda and Juan escorted me to the store and assisted in my quest for AA Batteries.
We returned within the half hour and when I climbed out of the car, I was surprised to see the campus seemingly abandoned. The classrooms were also vacant, so my only viable alternative being the chapel, which was eerily silent. As I opened the door, I noted with great concern that it too was empty. This allowed for a moment of panic when I wondered if perhaps the rapture had come--and if so--why was I still here?! As I stepped into the room, a cheer went up from the front of the chapel. I jumped and looked to where all of the students stood in uniform behind a table--full of bells and music books! My heart skipped in my chest and my stomach clenched as I bit back the tears that threatened to choke me. It was simply perfect--even down to the little pairs of white gloves.
"Surprise! Ha-ha, we fooled you!" Kevin announced as I struggled to regain my composure. That I couldn't argue with, "Yeah, you sure did!" I managed to choke out. The others joined in with similar comments and I learned that the entire drama in the library was just part of the whole gig. I realized that these people are great at keeping secrets! And that I'm entirely too trusting. Betsy smiled; "The boys had to come set up and I was trying to think of a way to possibly get rid of you...."
Yeah, for the time being it worked...but I came right back. Sorry to say that you won't get rid of me that easily! I took my seat and they began playing their song. I alternately laughed and blinked back tears--my heart was so content. And to think, they went to all of this trouble just for me. How special! They ended the beautiful song with a shout of: "All for you, Rachel!" At that instant, my heart exploded. I embraced each one of those precious students and Betsy, thanking them from the bottom of my heart for all they have done for me! What a precious moment!
Thinking back on it, at the moment when I was sent to buy the batteries we didn't necessarily need, I was less than enthusiastic, but I was blessed beyond words at what was waiting for me!
Thanks guys for making my day so incredibly special--that meant the world to me! Love ya'll!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
She's Always Watching....
It's Sunday...Let's just take a moment of silence to reflect. And as Betsy so sweetly put it this morning at church: "Ah, it's Sunday! It's the best day of the week because it's the first--but it's also the worst because it's the last day of the weekend...."
So after church this morning and lunch/shopping with Betsy afterwards, I came home and had a relatively relaxed afternoon. I chilled by myself, rocked out to my music as I put away my groceries and wrote some thank-you notes, then read through my journal. I hung out my laundry to dry on the line and then came inside to finish writing...only five minutes later I heard the pouring rain. Seriously? Oh, this is the story of my life.... I should be used to things like this by now!
Then when Francis and Rosa returned from their shopping excursion, I hung with them for the rest of the evening. Gosh, that girl is hilarious! She is definitely a comedian. And I know now why my abs are feeling sore.... At one point, I was laying on my bed, talking to my mother and Francis was sitting across the room, trying to get my attention. But since I couldn't see her calling for me, I didn't look at her. But when the flip-flop came hurling through the air and hit my leg, I immediately reverted my attention to her. This method seemed to work swimmingly; she'd have a homework question and when she tossed a shoe at me, I would turn around and answer her. After the first half hour, one would have thought she'd run out of shoes. But that wasn't the case; somehow she always had a steady supply to use as ammunition. But just watch; tomorrow morning everyone will wonder about all of the bruises covering my body. And I will simply say, "My little, seemingly innocent roommate is actually quite vicious and went on a wild rampage. She attacked me in my room...." Well, it's the best I can come up with off the top of my head. However, I know for a fact that the nasty bruise on my elbow is from when I banged it on the wall. Betsy, your shower is too small! Or maybe my arms are too long. I have no idea...but whatever the case may be, that injury was not roommate inflicted.
But between all of that, I did find time to look over the "report" that my mom had given Betsy to fill out. (It was more like a performance review.) Betsy handed me the paper at lunch and while we had discussed some of the more prominent points, I was dying to know what the rest of the letter contained. So as Betsy's been watching me throughout the past couple weeks, she has been taking notes on my skills as a Signer, my conduct towards the students, my interaction with the other staff, my behavior during class time, and my overall performance.
Reading it over, I must admit, I was surprised. She gave me an A on virtually everything, summing it up by saying that, "I (Rachel) definitely know what I'm doing...but I just need the courage to do it!"
I had not expected that. She also said that I would make a great teacher--Wow, I had so not anticipated that either! Who knew?!
So while I am feeling encouraged, there are still a few things I know I need to work on (like my Non-manual-markers, for one.) Those silly facial expressions get me every time. But when she told me that she thought there could be improvement in that department--her comment warranted an expression she finally did approve of. So I have decided to dedicate my last week here to fixing the errant mistakes I have been making.
Facial expressions...I've got this. And Kevin will be wondering why I'm insisting we do so much math homework this week...because that's where I can most effectively practice. When he gives me a hard time--I give him a look (actually many looks, depending upon the situation)...but usually one that says, "I'm not amused...." Ha, just kidding. I'll gladly leave the math to someone who actually doesn't despise it and I will go find another, safer place in which to practice my NMMs! Just think; if I stayed with the math, the only facial expression I'd be able to accurately replicate would be that of me hurling...but that won't get me far in my interpreting career, now would it? I can see my professor now, quizzing me about my NMMs...My response? "Well, sometimes I throw up." Uh, yeah, good luck getting a diploma.
So after church this morning and lunch/shopping with Betsy afterwards, I came home and had a relatively relaxed afternoon. I chilled by myself, rocked out to my music as I put away my groceries and wrote some thank-you notes, then read through my journal. I hung out my laundry to dry on the line and then came inside to finish writing...only five minutes later I heard the pouring rain. Seriously? Oh, this is the story of my life.... I should be used to things like this by now!
Then when Francis and Rosa returned from their shopping excursion, I hung with them for the rest of the evening. Gosh, that girl is hilarious! She is definitely a comedian. And I know now why my abs are feeling sore.... At one point, I was laying on my bed, talking to my mother and Francis was sitting across the room, trying to get my attention. But since I couldn't see her calling for me, I didn't look at her. But when the flip-flop came hurling through the air and hit my leg, I immediately reverted my attention to her. This method seemed to work swimmingly; she'd have a homework question and when she tossed a shoe at me, I would turn around and answer her. After the first half hour, one would have thought she'd run out of shoes. But that wasn't the case; somehow she always had a steady supply to use as ammunition. But just watch; tomorrow morning everyone will wonder about all of the bruises covering my body. And I will simply say, "My little, seemingly innocent roommate is actually quite vicious and went on a wild rampage. She attacked me in my room...." Well, it's the best I can come up with off the top of my head. However, I know for a fact that the nasty bruise on my elbow is from when I banged it on the wall. Betsy, your shower is too small! Or maybe my arms are too long. I have no idea...but whatever the case may be, that injury was not roommate inflicted.
But between all of that, I did find time to look over the "report" that my mom had given Betsy to fill out. (It was more like a performance review.) Betsy handed me the paper at lunch and while we had discussed some of the more prominent points, I was dying to know what the rest of the letter contained. So as Betsy's been watching me throughout the past couple weeks, she has been taking notes on my skills as a Signer, my conduct towards the students, my interaction with the other staff, my behavior during class time, and my overall performance.
Reading it over, I must admit, I was surprised. She gave me an A on virtually everything, summing it up by saying that, "I (Rachel) definitely know what I'm doing...but I just need the courage to do it!"
I had not expected that. She also said that I would make a great teacher--Wow, I had so not anticipated that either! Who knew?!
So while I am feeling encouraged, there are still a few things I know I need to work on (like my Non-manual-markers, for one.) Those silly facial expressions get me every time. But when she told me that she thought there could be improvement in that department--her comment warranted an expression she finally did approve of. So I have decided to dedicate my last week here to fixing the errant mistakes I have been making.
Facial expressions...I've got this. And Kevin will be wondering why I'm insisting we do so much math homework this week...because that's where I can most effectively practice. When he gives me a hard time--I give him a look (actually many looks, depending upon the situation)...but usually one that says, "I'm not amused...." Ha, just kidding. I'll gladly leave the math to someone who actually doesn't despise it and I will go find another, safer place in which to practice my NMMs! Just think; if I stayed with the math, the only facial expression I'd be able to accurately replicate would be that of me hurling...but that won't get me far in my interpreting career, now would it? I can see my professor now, quizzing me about my NMMs...My response? "Well, sometimes I throw up." Uh, yeah, good luck getting a diploma.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Uh, Oops....
For certain, each day brings me further out of my comfort-zone. I mentioned on Thursday that I expected to be a very busy bee yesterday--True that! Oh, if I had only known....
But now that I know what not to do, hopefully I will be better equipped in the future.
So first thing after our daily staff meeting, I scurried over to chapel and prepared for the worship I would be leading. The students chose their favorite songs and together we interpreted them for worship. But finally, when the dude who was coming to speak arrived; I vanished to a dark corner where I hunched over my clipboard and wrote furiously, hurrying to gloss my newspaper article into ASL before it was time for my class to start. You see, I had not anticipated this. On Wednesday, I had given the article to Betsy so that she could interpret it for her students in her writing class. But apparently this assumption was erroneous because on Thursday she handed the paper back to me and told me to interpret it for my students in my journalism class. A holi-day-whodi-whati? I'm gonna what?! I blinked. I glanced at her, then at the paper, and back again. Surely I had heard wrong....My pulse quickened and the heat rushed to my cheeks. Oh dear. "Uh, I can't interpret this article...there are many multi-syllabic words and idioms...." I tried to dissuade her. "You don't understand!" But I need not have bothered protesting.
She simply wrinkled her nose, "Well, remember to not add so many big words in the future--but you wrote it, you interpret it."
She turned to go and I stared at her back, "But...but...but." This was so not a good idea. She stopped and turned back around to face me; my mouth shut with an audible snap. The expression on her face clearly said, "If you have any questions...ask me when you're done." I made a few more lame attempts to try and convince her otherwise--but her mind was made up. End of story. Oh, fine, I'll do it! Not that I had a choice in the matter, though. So as I glanced over my gloss, I suddenly realized I had forgotten one of the words in Sign. "How do you sign the word 'president'? I have never had to use it before...."
Betsy looked at me with a bored expression on her face. "You used the word, you figure it out."
I sighed. Oh, honestly. I tapped my pencil on my knee...now what? Having an idea, I waved discreetly at Kevin and when he looked at me, I finger-spelled the word to him from behind my book. I glanced at Betsy where she sat at her computer and slowly shook my head. He immediately got the hint and turning his back towards her, he subtly signed the word to me. Bingo.
So as the kids traipsed single-file into the classroom and were finally situated behind their desks, I slunk to the front of the room and sat in the "hot seat," my heart beating a million miles an hour. Betsy had meanwhile, apparently changed her mind; so instead of sitting behind the computer, she took a seat against the wall and turned to watch. Not exactly what I was anticipating. I mean, no pressure.
With eight pairs of eyes watching me intently, I took a deep breath and willed my heart-rate to slow to a somewhat normal pace before jumping right into my story. After the first several minutes, I was finally confident enough to make eye contact with the kids. To my surprise, this was a great help. I looked at them as I explained about my adventures in Boston and my encounter with Native Americans. They nodded in understanding and began asking questions. Yay, it was interactive! And once I finally began, I realized it was not as bad as I had anticipated. But finally I came to the end and they all applauded. Betsy gave me a reassuring smile as I gracefully left the "stage." Only to be called back up moments later.
Betsy had explained that they needed to write a story in which to apply their spelling words. "Rachel, come up here." She handed me a marker, "If they have questions, answer them."
I stood with the marker in hand and looked into the tanned faces. Okay then. So I was doing more teaching. I guess it was time to take action then. "Well, you saw the lady," I waved them to their books. Time to get crackin', as my aunt would say.
And did they have questions! Every couple seconds, I would see a hand waving and would be asked how to spell a word or need to explain a situation. I am beginning to understand what it means to be a teacher--and while I must admit that at times it is quite tiring, it is also so much fun!
Then, after an hour, came the conclusion of that project. Next, it was into the kitchen for my Home Ec. Class. Putting things out on the counter, I prayed everything would work out well. Betsy was slightly stressed, so I was hoping this would be easy and virtually painless. She wouldn't have to worry about anything, right?
Ha-ha. Truth be told, I was trying something fairly new. I had decided to make mini-pizzas using Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and rolling the sauce, cheese and pepperoni inside before baking it. That seemed like such a quick and easy thing to do, but once the kids began assembling their own, I watched on with increasing unease. Okay, so...maybe this was not such a great idea. I smiled as they slapped pizza sauce on their biscuit. I pondered if I should at that moment have lowered my expectations. Eh, fo shizzle, they would be fine. I whispered (signed discretely) to Kevin and Larimar, "This is a new recipe--an experiment. I hope you all like it." Larimar giggled and Kevin shook his head. Now, after all this time, you would think I would have learned by now that Betsy sees and hears everything. So it should not have surprised me when she looked over at me with the look on her face that said...well, I wasn't so sure I wanted to know at that moment what it said. Oops, was the only thing that came to my mind. Then, as if deciding the look wasn't enough, Betsy evenly asked, "What did I just see you say?"
I wiggled my eyebrows at Larimar and slapped pepperoni on my roll, trying my best to act nonchalant. "Oh, I'm trying something relatively new," She stared at me and I began to have third thoughts about this idea. Yup, scratch that--back to the drawing board...."But, Rosa has made them before and I have made very similar things...so, no worries." I reassured her with more confidence than I really felt. Actually, I was reassuring myself as much as I was her.
Betsy frowned, "Honestly, that was the last thing I really wanted to hear right now...."
Oh, right. I nodded, "You have my sincerest apologies." I turned back to the students, some of whom had witnessed our exchange. "Ha-ha, wish me luck," I told Kevin as I gave the other kids a huge grin.
"Okay Rachel, I'm trusting you on this!" Betsy chuckled and turned around. Nothing like pressure, huh? I bit my lip. Oh, Lord; I don't know how, but get me out of this one.
We finished assembling what then looked like big hunks of chunky, red, saucy dough...wonderful. How appetizing. The kids were then herded towards the tables and were encouraged to play Uno until their food came out of the oven. I took a deep breath and waited--and waited. That had to have been one of the most suspenseful ten minutes of my life. I shuddered to think what could have been happening to those little balls of clumpy dough inside that oven. Heaven only knows what could have been going wrong behind that door. But finally, to my and everyone's great relief, they came out, looking and smelling wonderful. Which had far exceeded my expectations. If they had even survived the oven, it would have been an accomplishment.
But the students said they liked them, the staff complimented me, and Betsy was impressed, so I guess the Lord did indeed answer my prayer after all! Oh, what a day!
But now that I know what not to do, hopefully I will be better equipped in the future.
So first thing after our daily staff meeting, I scurried over to chapel and prepared for the worship I would be leading. The students chose their favorite songs and together we interpreted them for worship. But finally, when the dude who was coming to speak arrived; I vanished to a dark corner where I hunched over my clipboard and wrote furiously, hurrying to gloss my newspaper article into ASL before it was time for my class to start. You see, I had not anticipated this. On Wednesday, I had given the article to Betsy so that she could interpret it for her students in her writing class. But apparently this assumption was erroneous because on Thursday she handed the paper back to me and told me to interpret it for my students in my journalism class. A holi-day-whodi-whati? I'm gonna what?! I blinked. I glanced at her, then at the paper, and back again. Surely I had heard wrong....My pulse quickened and the heat rushed to my cheeks. Oh dear. "Uh, I can't interpret this article...there are many multi-syllabic words and idioms...." I tried to dissuade her. "You don't understand!" But I need not have bothered protesting.
She simply wrinkled her nose, "Well, remember to not add so many big words in the future--but you wrote it, you interpret it."
She turned to go and I stared at her back, "But...but...but." This was so not a good idea. She stopped and turned back around to face me; my mouth shut with an audible snap. The expression on her face clearly said, "If you have any questions...ask me when you're done." I made a few more lame attempts to try and convince her otherwise--but her mind was made up. End of story. Oh, fine, I'll do it! Not that I had a choice in the matter, though. So as I glanced over my gloss, I suddenly realized I had forgotten one of the words in Sign. "How do you sign the word 'president'? I have never had to use it before...."
Betsy looked at me with a bored expression on her face. "You used the word, you figure it out."
I sighed. Oh, honestly. I tapped my pencil on my knee...now what? Having an idea, I waved discreetly at Kevin and when he looked at me, I finger-spelled the word to him from behind my book. I glanced at Betsy where she sat at her computer and slowly shook my head. He immediately got the hint and turning his back towards her, he subtly signed the word to me. Bingo.
So as the kids traipsed single-file into the classroom and were finally situated behind their desks, I slunk to the front of the room and sat in the "hot seat," my heart beating a million miles an hour. Betsy had meanwhile, apparently changed her mind; so instead of sitting behind the computer, she took a seat against the wall and turned to watch. Not exactly what I was anticipating. I mean, no pressure.
With eight pairs of eyes watching me intently, I took a deep breath and willed my heart-rate to slow to a somewhat normal pace before jumping right into my story. After the first several minutes, I was finally confident enough to make eye contact with the kids. To my surprise, this was a great help. I looked at them as I explained about my adventures in Boston and my encounter with Native Americans. They nodded in understanding and began asking questions. Yay, it was interactive! And once I finally began, I realized it was not as bad as I had anticipated. But finally I came to the end and they all applauded. Betsy gave me a reassuring smile as I gracefully left the "stage." Only to be called back up moments later.
Betsy had explained that they needed to write a story in which to apply their spelling words. "Rachel, come up here." She handed me a marker, "If they have questions, answer them."
I stood with the marker in hand and looked into the tanned faces. Okay then. So I was doing more teaching. I guess it was time to take action then. "Well, you saw the lady," I waved them to their books. Time to get crackin', as my aunt would say.
And did they have questions! Every couple seconds, I would see a hand waving and would be asked how to spell a word or need to explain a situation. I am beginning to understand what it means to be a teacher--and while I must admit that at times it is quite tiring, it is also so much fun!
Then, after an hour, came the conclusion of that project. Next, it was into the kitchen for my Home Ec. Class. Putting things out on the counter, I prayed everything would work out well. Betsy was slightly stressed, so I was hoping this would be easy and virtually painless. She wouldn't have to worry about anything, right?
Ha-ha. Truth be told, I was trying something fairly new. I had decided to make mini-pizzas using Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and rolling the sauce, cheese and pepperoni inside before baking it. That seemed like such a quick and easy thing to do, but once the kids began assembling their own, I watched on with increasing unease. Okay, so...maybe this was not such a great idea. I smiled as they slapped pizza sauce on their biscuit. I pondered if I should at that moment have lowered my expectations. Eh, fo shizzle, they would be fine. I whispered (signed discretely) to Kevin and Larimar, "This is a new recipe--an experiment. I hope you all like it." Larimar giggled and Kevin shook his head. Now, after all this time, you would think I would have learned by now that Betsy sees and hears everything. So it should not have surprised me when she looked over at me with the look on her face that said...well, I wasn't so sure I wanted to know at that moment what it said. Oops, was the only thing that came to my mind. Then, as if deciding the look wasn't enough, Betsy evenly asked, "What did I just see you say?"
I wiggled my eyebrows at Larimar and slapped pepperoni on my roll, trying my best to act nonchalant. "Oh, I'm trying something relatively new," She stared at me and I began to have third thoughts about this idea. Yup, scratch that--back to the drawing board...."But, Rosa has made them before and I have made very similar things...so, no worries." I reassured her with more confidence than I really felt. Actually, I was reassuring myself as much as I was her.
Betsy frowned, "Honestly, that was the last thing I really wanted to hear right now...."
Oh, right. I nodded, "You have my sincerest apologies." I turned back to the students, some of whom had witnessed our exchange. "Ha-ha, wish me luck," I told Kevin as I gave the other kids a huge grin.
"Okay Rachel, I'm trusting you on this!" Betsy chuckled and turned around. Nothing like pressure, huh? I bit my lip. Oh, Lord; I don't know how, but get me out of this one.
 |
| The students making snacks before the near pizza-disaster! |
But the students said they liked them, the staff complimented me, and Betsy was impressed, so I guess the Lord did indeed answer my prayer after all! Oh, what a day!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Anticipating Tomorrow!
It has been yet another wonderful, busy day! And I am anticipating another even busier day tomorrow. I am responsible for leading the morning worship in Chapel and then I will be teaching about journalism--using one of newspaper articles as an example. After a petty "argument" that continued in front of the students, Betsy insisted that I stand before the students tomorrow and interpret my article. It has not taken me long to realize that resistance is futile! Betsy always wins an argument. Period.
And so it is. After Chapel, I will make my way to the front of the classroom and interpret my story while Betsy enters grades into the computer. At least, that is what she said she'd do. She offered to do that so I would feel more comfortable, knowing she wasn't watching. Oh, okay then. I'll let you know how that works.
Then while I attempt to recover from that, I will arrive in the kitchen where I will teach my Home Ec. Class. I went shopping for this this evening, so I am feeling fairly prepared for this--thankfully.
Well, it's getting really late and I am exhausted, so "hasta mañana," my friends! I will let you know tomorrow how things went in the chapel, classroom and kitchen!
And so it is. After Chapel, I will make my way to the front of the classroom and interpret my story while Betsy enters grades into the computer. At least, that is what she said she'd do. She offered to do that so I would feel more comfortable, knowing she wasn't watching. Oh, okay then. I'll let you know how that works.
Then while I attempt to recover from that, I will arrive in the kitchen where I will teach my Home Ec. Class. I went shopping for this this evening, so I am feeling fairly prepared for this--thankfully.
Well, it's getting really late and I am exhausted, so "hasta mañana," my friends! I will let you know tomorrow how things went in the chapel, classroom and kitchen!
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Brainwaves and Facial Expressions!
Monday began as a typical day with all of the students arriving bright and early. I again joined the students in the classroom for another wonderful day of school. Now note, that according to Betsy, she gets her best thoughts and all of her ingenious ideas when playing Angry Birds. (Weeks ago, she had agreed to quit, but that only lasted a few weeks. When we confronted her about this issue, she admitted that she had stopped having good ideas, thus she had begun playing again...knowing that it would stimulate her brain and aid in its thought process.) So apparently she had been playing again yesterday because during math class, she rushed into the classroom and slapped Kevin's desk before shouting, "I just had a brainwave!" I know what you've been doing, I thought, envisioning her playing Angry Birds. But without waiting for us to recover from our sudden start, she began to excitedly explain to us the ingenious plan she had just devised.
After lunch, I sat in the library reading the book my mother had sent along with me. Yeah, I know--the kids were astonished that I homework to do, too. I mean, what was my mother thinking, sending oodles of books across the ocean with me, hoping I'd read them in my "spare-time?" So anyway, as I sat reading The Screwtape Letters and listening to the students practicing their guitars in the background, the door flew open and Betsy stepped into the room, laden with various school-related items. She took a seat next to me and spread her conglomeration of things on the table. At that moment Amanda burst into the room with Juan in tow. "What are we doing for story time?!" She asked as Juan darted towards the bookshelf in search of his favorite book.
Without looking up, Betsy slowly shook her head, "Ya know, I really haven't gotten that far." She shrugged dejectedly, "I just seem to have no inspiration." (I choked back a laugh and bit my lip.)
Amanda frowned, "Well, we could at least do a Bible story or something...tell it, act--"
"I've got it!" Betsy jumped up from her chair, hands desperately chopping the air. "I just had a brainwave!" We all braced ourselves for whatever was coming next. "We should act out the story of Esther...well, you act it out, I'll narrate/interpret it." Without waiting for a response, she nodded decidedly. "Good." So that was that.
Gone was my laughter as I sat stunned, wondering what exactly had just happened in those previous twenty seconds of my life. And why had my name just been mentioned? Inwardly I cringed...that was not a good sign...literally. And while I really should not have been surprised, I couldn't help the little flutter in the pit of my stomach when they informed me that I would be Esther in our Bible play. Oh dear. But, in reality, it was so much fun! Amanda was a fantastic Vashti and made a wonderful candidate as we girls all stood in a line awaiting our turn to "meet the king." Amanda grabbed Larimar's guitar and with a grin, she called over her shoulder, "I'm going in with a bang!" Oh my gosh, this girl is hilarious!
We continued the story this afternoon with me as Esther, Betsy as Mordecai, Amanda as the scribe and Mizael as Haman. Let me tell you, we laughed so hard! And just a warning: tomorrow is the day Mizael (Haman) will be hanged! And while I'm not anticipating anything too drastic, I am thankful that Rebekah (a qualified nurse) is on the premises.
Then it was on to math class. You all know what that means.... *involuntary shudder* I no sooner sat my butt on a chair (which by the way, I'm finally able to do as it's been slowly healing from the traumatic encounter at Charcol Frio) when Betsy told me to grade Kevin's homework. Oh boy--literally. But then, when I found a repetitious error, I kindly confronted him, asking him to reread the problem to see if perhaps he could find where he had originally made the mistake. Let's just say; that entire ordeal was much more than I'd bargained for. Instead of simply fixing that one errant problem, he then asked for guidance on several of the other problems he had to solve. And problems they were indeed! I conceded to helping since no one else needed me at the time, and leaning over his book, I read the equations. After a while, we formed a system that actually worked quite efficiently. He would figure them out by himself while I used the answer book (an advantage of being the teacher's assistant) and then we'd compare answers.
He would figure out a problem and then look at me, with an eyebrow raised, "Correct?" I would nod and he'd continue to the next one. It did not however, take him long to realize that apparently my facial expression changed slightly as he wrote his answers, depending on whether it was correct or not. I noticed this after he wrote an answer and I smiled. "I knew it was right," he told me proudly, "Your face told me 'yes.'" Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Okay, Mr. Smarty...bring it on. He finished the next one and looked at me. I fought to keep my facial expression neutral. He stared at me quizzically, "That right?"
I stared back at him, "What do you think?"
He caught on within seconds and knowing that I laugh at everything, he devised what he must have thought to be a brilliant plan. I on the other hand, disagreed. After each problem, he made a goofy face, thinking that if I laughed, his answer was correct. Honestly, I don't cave that easily! So I devised a plan of my own....I desperately needed to work on my facial expressions (one of the Signing parameters, I don't excel in, but am determined to.) This was the perfect opportunity to practice. I waited until he had completed the next problem, checked his answer and then looked to me for conformation. He wiggled his eyebrows and made a face. My stony expression remained unchanged. It was obvious that he had not expected this reaction...His facial expression clearly told me so. I chuckled inwardly as he tried once more to get a smile out of me. Again, so such luck. I didn't even blink. He heaved a sigh. "Tell me! Right?"
I raised an eyebrow and shrugged nonchalantly, signing, "What do you think." I laughed as he groaned and rolled his eyes, responding with, "I think yes!" I glanced down at the book and paused for suspense before adding, "I think yes, too." I watched as he scrawled his next answer and again looked at me. I forced a frown and ducked my head. "Oh Kevin, really?" I rolled my eyes and compared his answer to that of the book, still hidden on my lap. I grabbed my red pen and shook my head, still frowning.
One glance at his perplexed face and I about lost it--very nearly blowing my cover. He was beginning to freak out. "No! No! It's not wrong--" He signed dramatically. "Ugh, really!?" He ran a hand over his face and I bit my tongue as he wearily eyed the red pen moving closer and closer to his book. His fingers drummed nervously on the desk, "I understand it..." he tried again to dissuade me and prolong the inevitable.
I shrugged. Willing myself to keep my face blank, I lowered the pen. The instant it touched his book, he yelled before slapping a hand to his forehead and slumping in his chair, seemingly defeated. I squelched the nearly overwhelming urge to laugh. Seriously, dude--It's not that big a deal. He jumped up and cracked his knuckles as he watched me write with the dreaded red ink on his paper. =) A smiley was all I wrote. After several seconds he glanced at me. "What?! It's right?" He slapped his knee and only then did I release the laugh I had been suppressing all that time. "Yup, it's correct."
He jutted up from his chair, arms/hands flailing. "What?! What?! It's right? Why did you do that?"
I simply smiled and signed. "Because you said I was so easy to read. Do you truly think so?" He slumped back in his chair as I continued. He wasn't getting out of this that easily. "You also said that my facial expression always tells you yes. Does it really?" I tapped my pen on the desk. "I'm not as easy to read as you think...."
That seemed to subdue him for a little while at least. And a little bite of humble-pie would never hurt anyone. But what made it all the funnier, was thinking back on it, I had asked many individual people a few weeks ago about their opinions of my signing...ironically, him being one of those persons. His immediate advice to me? "You need more facial expression!" Ha-ha, yeah, you got it, Amigo! No problem....
After lunch, I sat in the library reading the book my mother had sent along with me. Yeah, I know--the kids were astonished that I homework to do, too. I mean, what was my mother thinking, sending oodles of books across the ocean with me, hoping I'd read them in my "spare-time?" So anyway, as I sat reading The Screwtape Letters and listening to the students practicing their guitars in the background, the door flew open and Betsy stepped into the room, laden with various school-related items. She took a seat next to me and spread her conglomeration of things on the table. At that moment Amanda burst into the room with Juan in tow. "What are we doing for story time?!" She asked as Juan darted towards the bookshelf in search of his favorite book.
Without looking up, Betsy slowly shook her head, "Ya know, I really haven't gotten that far." She shrugged dejectedly, "I just seem to have no inspiration." (I choked back a laugh and bit my lip.)
Amanda frowned, "Well, we could at least do a Bible story or something...tell it, act--"
"I've got it!" Betsy jumped up from her chair, hands desperately chopping the air. "I just had a brainwave!" We all braced ourselves for whatever was coming next. "We should act out the story of Esther...well, you act it out, I'll narrate/interpret it." Without waiting for a response, she nodded decidedly. "Good." So that was that.
Gone was my laughter as I sat stunned, wondering what exactly had just happened in those previous twenty seconds of my life. And why had my name just been mentioned? Inwardly I cringed...that was not a good sign...literally. And while I really should not have been surprised, I couldn't help the little flutter in the pit of my stomach when they informed me that I would be Esther in our Bible play. Oh dear. But, in reality, it was so much fun! Amanda was a fantastic Vashti and made a wonderful candidate as we girls all stood in a line awaiting our turn to "meet the king." Amanda grabbed Larimar's guitar and with a grin, she called over her shoulder, "I'm going in with a bang!" Oh my gosh, this girl is hilarious!
We continued the story this afternoon with me as Esther, Betsy as Mordecai, Amanda as the scribe and Mizael as Haman. Let me tell you, we laughed so hard! And just a warning: tomorrow is the day Mizael (Haman) will be hanged! And while I'm not anticipating anything too drastic, I am thankful that Rebekah (a qualified nurse) is on the premises.
Then it was on to math class. You all know what that means.... *involuntary shudder* I no sooner sat my butt on a chair (which by the way, I'm finally able to do as it's been slowly healing from the traumatic encounter at Charcol Frio) when Betsy told me to grade Kevin's homework. Oh boy--literally. But then, when I found a repetitious error, I kindly confronted him, asking him to reread the problem to see if perhaps he could find where he had originally made the mistake. Let's just say; that entire ordeal was much more than I'd bargained for. Instead of simply fixing that one errant problem, he then asked for guidance on several of the other problems he had to solve. And problems they were indeed! I conceded to helping since no one else needed me at the time, and leaning over his book, I read the equations. After a while, we formed a system that actually worked quite efficiently. He would figure them out by himself while I used the answer book (an advantage of being the teacher's assistant) and then we'd compare answers.He would figure out a problem and then look at me, with an eyebrow raised, "Correct?" I would nod and he'd continue to the next one. It did not however, take him long to realize that apparently my facial expression changed slightly as he wrote his answers, depending on whether it was correct or not. I noticed this after he wrote an answer and I smiled. "I knew it was right," he told me proudly, "Your face told me 'yes.'" Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Okay, Mr. Smarty...bring it on. He finished the next one and looked at me. I fought to keep my facial expression neutral. He stared at me quizzically, "That right?"
I stared back at him, "What do you think?"
He caught on within seconds and knowing that I laugh at everything, he devised what he must have thought to be a brilliant plan. I on the other hand, disagreed. After each problem, he made a goofy face, thinking that if I laughed, his answer was correct. Honestly, I don't cave that easily! So I devised a plan of my own....I desperately needed to work on my facial expressions (one of the Signing parameters, I don't excel in, but am determined to.) This was the perfect opportunity to practice. I waited until he had completed the next problem, checked his answer and then looked to me for conformation. He wiggled his eyebrows and made a face. My stony expression remained unchanged. It was obvious that he had not expected this reaction...His facial expression clearly told me so. I chuckled inwardly as he tried once more to get a smile out of me. Again, so such luck. I didn't even blink. He heaved a sigh. "Tell me! Right?"
I raised an eyebrow and shrugged nonchalantly, signing, "What do you think." I laughed as he groaned and rolled his eyes, responding with, "I think yes!" I glanced down at the book and paused for suspense before adding, "I think yes, too." I watched as he scrawled his next answer and again looked at me. I forced a frown and ducked my head. "Oh Kevin, really?" I rolled my eyes and compared his answer to that of the book, still hidden on my lap. I grabbed my red pen and shook my head, still frowning.
One glance at his perplexed face and I about lost it--very nearly blowing my cover. He was beginning to freak out. "No! No! It's not wrong--" He signed dramatically. "Ugh, really!?" He ran a hand over his face and I bit my tongue as he wearily eyed the red pen moving closer and closer to his book. His fingers drummed nervously on the desk, "I understand it..." he tried again to dissuade me and prolong the inevitable.
I shrugged. Willing myself to keep my face blank, I lowered the pen. The instant it touched his book, he yelled before slapping a hand to his forehead and slumping in his chair, seemingly defeated. I squelched the nearly overwhelming urge to laugh. Seriously, dude--It's not that big a deal. He jumped up and cracked his knuckles as he watched me write with the dreaded red ink on his paper. =) A smiley was all I wrote. After several seconds he glanced at me. "What?! It's right?" He slapped his knee and only then did I release the laugh I had been suppressing all that time. "Yup, it's correct."
He jutted up from his chair, arms/hands flailing. "What?! What?! It's right? Why did you do that?"
I simply smiled and signed. "Because you said I was so easy to read. Do you truly think so?" He slumped back in his chair as I continued. He wasn't getting out of this that easily. "You also said that my facial expression always tells you yes. Does it really?" I tapped my pen on the desk. "I'm not as easy to read as you think...."
That seemed to subdue him for a little while at least. And a little bite of humble-pie would never hurt anyone. But what made it all the funnier, was thinking back on it, I had asked many individual people a few weeks ago about their opinions of my signing...ironically, him being one of those persons. His immediate advice to me? "You need more facial expression!" Ha-ha, yeah, you got it, Amigo! No problem....
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