Despite the fact that it has been a month since I've written, I have surprisingly little news to report. I have been staying busy with schoolwork; am still writing for the local newspaper and writing essays for scholarships; am taking a math class at HACC (a local community college); am still very involved in church/youth group activities; am enjoying spending time with my family, friends, and 'critters'; am staying involved in the Deaf Community as much as possible, am loving all the snow we've been getting this winter, am anticipating/planning my graduation in June; and have been getting some great quality time to spend with Jesus (the things He tells us when we get alone and quiet with Him are amazing)!
In other news, I have heard nothing else from RIT since receiving their letter in the mail last month, informing me that I have not yet been accepted into their Interpreting program; thus I am awaiting further information in March. Meanwhile, I am continuing to seek God earnestly regarding college and my future plans; thus far, He has told me nothing new, only reiterating His previous statement of, "Be still and trust Me! Continue listening." I am really doing my best to not get discouraged. The clock is ticking, cuts are being made, and I feel as if I am once again, back to where I started, with no idea what I'm doing or where/how to proceed. However, I am still obediently doing the last thing He told me, until He tells me something new...and that is to continue applying for scholarships and planning for my Bachelors Degree. I have begun to realize that I rather lack the desire to attend college; whether this is good or bad, I know not. But if His plans for me do include college, then by all means, I'll attend, but I have little to no desire for it. (However, with nothing to lose, I did apply to Liberty University in VA just to 'see what would happen.') So unless/until He clearly tells me that college is not where He wants me in this season, I will pursue it. But I just want to know! I am trying not to grow impatient, and don't want to get ahead of His timing, but I mean, it is rather pertinent that I know what His plans are, and soon too! Although, it has become far too obvious that, for some reason, He never seems to be in much of a hurry. Perhaps because He is not affected by pressure or stressed by deadlines--all I can say is: ha, ha, it must be nice!
So I think this all comes back once again to the reoccurring issue of: trust. Although He has been teaching me the importance of trust for the past eight months at least, He inevitably manages to find something else in my life with which I must constantly trust Him. Each time, the situations progressively become more difficult; once I trust Him in one instance, another, harder one is soon to follow! You know, one would think I'd have caught on by now or something, but it just continues to get more and more complicated. I mean, I know without a doubt that He'll take care of me, that He works everything out for my good, and that He will lead me in the right direction so I will walk in His plan. But currently, I am being asked to trust beyond that--to trust God entirely for the 'not-yet-seen.' That's when it gets really difficult. When you trust for something very specific--especially something that you've waited for/prayed for for what seems like an eternity. He is answering many prayers and has been showing me things, but He is asking me to step-out in faith and believe for the things He's promised me (things which I have not yet seen manifested in the physical). All I know (or have to go on) is what He's whispered to my heart--this is a tricky and scary place to be, especially when one's heart is completely involved...and it's clear that whatever choice is made, will determine both the direction and the remainder of one's life. So why is trusting so hard? Why when God tells us something, do we still, inevitably allow doubts to whisper in our ears and distract us? Why is it so difficult to simply take God at His word? Why do we constantly rationalize/analyze with our minds why things can/cannot work out, when God clearly says it will? Why do we insist on viewing life and our future only by what we see manifested in the physical instead of simply focusing on what God says to our hearts? Why do we limit God, believing Him incapable of working out situations? Why do we repeatedly question Him about things when He consistently says, "I've got this!" Again and again, He proves Himself faithful and comes through for us; we praise Him for His truth, but when the next "obstacle" comes along, we again doubt and question Him. Why do we do this?
Sadly, I lack answers for all these questions. I wish more than anything to know why trusting seems to be so difficult. And I desire more than anything to be able to trust God without borders and believe Him without any hesitation! I don't understand why our minds struggle so, to simply believe and come into agreement with His promises. But of one thing, I am certain: He is a God of abounding grace. If you are struggling too with trusting Him for things, be reminded that He does not look down on or condemn those who struggle to trust...instead, He takes you by the hand and leads you, showing you clearly the way you are to go. He will gently coax you forward and will patiently continue leading you step-by-step, revealing things to you until you can believe completely! He will never lead you on a wild-goose chase, everything is for a reason. He is also willing to take it slowly; He will never give you anything you are not ready to handle--He is aware of your limits.
So be encouraged...if you struggle to trust, you are in good company; I mean, look at Thomas in the Bible...he knew Jesus (had a close relationship with Him) but when Christ returned from the dead just as He had promised He would, Thomas did not believe that the Man standing before him was really Jesus! Jesus was standing before him once again in flesh and blood, and Thomas still doubted! But Jesus was patient with him and revealed to him the marks in His side and hands as proof of His existence. Likewise, God will confirm things to you as many times as you need Him to! He will not allow you to miss His plan and miss out on anything He has for you--so be confident in this: He will not let you down, and He is not "put off" in the least by your unbelief. Instead, He will do whatever it takes to help you believe because He doesn't want you missing out on anything He has for you!
Also, speaking of trust, I just wanted to take a minute to thank and honor those who have/are trusting God as they serve Him out of the country. So many of my friends are currently away on mission trips, and I admire their steadfast trust (being a missionary requires an extensive amount of trust in Him)! Several of my friends still remain in Puerto Rico, teaching/mentoring children at the Deaf School; another friend is ministering to orphans in India; others are reaching out to people in China; still another friend is serving and rebuilding in South Africa; and my cousin is attending ministry school in New Zealand in preparation to travel to another country for out-reach. So I just want to say: way to go, you guys! I am so proud of you all for saying 'Yes' to Jesus and following Him where He's led you! Thank you for being His hands and feet and for showing the love of Christ to others! You guys are amazing and I greatly applaud your trust and devotion to our Lord! You're in my prayers; miss you all!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
His Plans Far Exceed Ours!
This past month has had its challenging moments to be sure....Including the extreme differences between the monotony of daily events and the random situations that suddenly arise without warning; although such is life. And already this month, I have said 'Good-bye' to each of my best friends...and it becomes increasingly difficult every time! Not to mention they're now scattered all over the world (I exaggerate not); one is at YWAM in New Zealand! So can I just say that I detest 'Good-byes?' Well, I suppose it's really only an 'Until-I-see-you-again,' but it's difficult just the same!
However, amid the struggles: loneliness, monotony, and confusion; God has again and again proven Himself faithful. From answering prayers to whispering promises in my heart, He's continually reminding me that He is here. I began a fast at the beginning of the month and amazingly, His presence has become even more tangible and His voice is ever clearer. He is still daring me to step out in faith and believe for the miraculous, and with His guidance, I am! With my eyes on His, I have lost myself in Him and am following Him step by step.
So....This brings me to my next point: I know many of you have been supporting me in prayer and I thank you from the depths of my heart! And the time for which I (we) have eagerly been awaiting has arrived; the moment for which I have worked so diligently! The day had finally come for me to hear from RIT/NTID. On their website was a notification to all applicants that if an acceptance letter had not yet been received, we were to call the Admission's Office and inquire as to the decision. I shot my mother a wide-eyed glance and with sweaty hands and unsteady breath, I quickly typed a message to a friend, requesting prayer before I called. With his prayers on the way, I sat there blankly staring at the phone in my hand for several minutes. "Okay, Lord, this is it. I am trusting that You have me in Your hands and I am prepared to receive an answer!" I steeled my nerves and dialed the number as my pulse surged and my heartbeat echoed rhythmically in my ears. Okay...deep breath. When the administrator failed to answer his phone, I left a message. Then to await his response. It was a long two hours.... Finally, the phone rang--it was RIT. My stomach lurched and adrenaline coursed through my veins. Excitement and fear assaulted my heart. This was it. Again, with sweaty palms and a shaky voice, I answered. After the grueling small talk, I pounced and asked the big question. The dude on the other end paused, and my stomach twisted into knots. "Rachel, I am very sorry to tell you, but we have not been able to grant you admission into our program...." What?! I locked the phone in a death grip and couldn't meet the eyes of those standing around me. What had just happened? I only half listened as he prattled on in the background about what a sweet kid I was, how sorry he felt and how intense the competition was. Moments later, I hung up...at least, I hope I said 'Good-bye.' Thoughts and doubts swirled in my mind like a violent hurricane. Hadn't God told me RIT was it? What had I done wrong? Had I not worked hard enough? Was I really such a lousy Signer? Were my SATs that wretched? Had I erroneously heard God's direction? Was the peace I'd been feeling, completely misguided?
I sank onto my bed and for a time, just lay there stunned and unfeeling. I had such high hopes/plans; I had been counting on RIT, I had been planning for my four-year-life in NY, I had trusted God and proceeded in this direction, and furthermore, I had trusted Him to come through! God is the God of the miraculous, and heaven knows, I was anticipating a miracle! So what happened?
On the brink of tears and near devastation, I was summoned asunder to assist with the cutting of firewood. Holding myself together the best I absolutely could, I descended and began stacking firewood. To be honest, the first thought that crossed my mind was to simply give up; don't try, don't fail, right? Perhaps ASL wasn't it. Yeah, I was so done trying...for the past year I have worked so hard--and for what?! So far, nothing. Really. I pulled my wheelbarrow through the sludgy mud and reclaimed my boot. At that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make. Would I stay angry and potentially become bitter or was I willing to just 'let it go and let Him take care of it?' When you're upset, disappointed or furious, it's so easy to stay angry and harbor those feelings. It takes work and willpower to overcome the intense feelings of injustice. So what would my response be? While I didn't 'feel like' worshiping in my disappointment, I knew that if I didn't, it would only get worse. I couldn't do this alone; only He could handle this adequately. Suddenly, I stood erect. You know what, NO!! This was not it! I was not giving up! (Despite the vexing fact that my massive woodpile collapsed twice which then required re-stacking, I began praying and seeking God earnestly.) No, giving up was so not an option! (See, my stubborn streak is at times, helpful.) I began claiming victory: I am more than a conquer through Him! All things are possible through Him who gives me strength! Greater is He who lives in me, than he who's in the world! I began re-stacking the scattered logs, "Okay Lord, to be perfectly honest, I am not feeling so cheery right now. I know that You understand and respect that, but while I fail to understand the circumstances and the reasoning behind this, I am confident that You (being God) know. So while I really feel like a loser at the moment, I CHOOSE to praise You regardless of my circumstances. I CHOOSE to continue obeying You! I CHOOSE to not allow my trying situation to obscure my prospective and I CHOOSE to continue focusing on You through this so that You may reveal to me, Your plans. I CHOOSE to allow You to handle this Your way. And I will not allow my disappointment/confusion to prevent me from praising You and seeking You!"
I began singing one of my very favorite worship songs, again claiming that regardless, my soul will continue to bless the Lord. Of course, it wasn't exactly easy at first, but I pressed on, "Lead me where my trust is without boarders....forever You are faithful!" Suddenly, it became easier and easier and within mere moments, I was lifting my voice and singing this sincerely, straight from my heart!
Once I made that decision to still praise Him and pressed on, I did an about-face. Gone were my tears of devastation and gone were my feelings of misguidance. Suddenly I was confident to rest in the fact that He had this. (2 Sam. 22:31) He is God--I am not. He knows my future and His plans therefore--I do not. Thus, I decided to trust Him. Sure, things don't always make sense to our minds, but His plans are beyond our simple minds! (Prov. 3:5-6) And considering the current circumstances, I should be panicking...but I'm not. I am instead overwhelmed by peace and confidence that He'll make a way where there seems to be none! Oddly enough, I'm not worried or concerned about any of it!
There is another application process for RIT in February (for which I'm already a candidate) so this is not completely final. But we will just need to wait and see what He does. I am confident that I know what I've heard and I am still believing for RIT. Perhaps I will be accepted after all into the program in March and this was merely a test of faith--for me to prove 'my stubbornness' and not quit. Or perhaps now is not His intended timing and I will attended RIT at a later date as a transfer student. Again, I'm not certain of His plans, however I DO know this: that whatever His plans for me are, He won't let me miss them; He is Jehovah Jirah and He will provide for me in His timing; He will give me only His best (Matt 7:7-11); and that I'll continue to obey/trust Him without borders and praise Him even with my last breath!
However, amid the struggles: loneliness, monotony, and confusion; God has again and again proven Himself faithful. From answering prayers to whispering promises in my heart, He's continually reminding me that He is here. I began a fast at the beginning of the month and amazingly, His presence has become even more tangible and His voice is ever clearer. He is still daring me to step out in faith and believe for the miraculous, and with His guidance, I am! With my eyes on His, I have lost myself in Him and am following Him step by step.
So....This brings me to my next point: I know many of you have been supporting me in prayer and I thank you from the depths of my heart! And the time for which I (we) have eagerly been awaiting has arrived; the moment for which I have worked so diligently! The day had finally come for me to hear from RIT/NTID. On their website was a notification to all applicants that if an acceptance letter had not yet been received, we were to call the Admission's Office and inquire as to the decision. I shot my mother a wide-eyed glance and with sweaty hands and unsteady breath, I quickly typed a message to a friend, requesting prayer before I called. With his prayers on the way, I sat there blankly staring at the phone in my hand for several minutes. "Okay, Lord, this is it. I am trusting that You have me in Your hands and I am prepared to receive an answer!" I steeled my nerves and dialed the number as my pulse surged and my heartbeat echoed rhythmically in my ears. Okay...deep breath. When the administrator failed to answer his phone, I left a message. Then to await his response. It was a long two hours.... Finally, the phone rang--it was RIT. My stomach lurched and adrenaline coursed through my veins. Excitement and fear assaulted my heart. This was it. Again, with sweaty palms and a shaky voice, I answered. After the grueling small talk, I pounced and asked the big question. The dude on the other end paused, and my stomach twisted into knots. "Rachel, I am very sorry to tell you, but we have not been able to grant you admission into our program...." What?! I locked the phone in a death grip and couldn't meet the eyes of those standing around me. What had just happened? I only half listened as he prattled on in the background about what a sweet kid I was, how sorry he felt and how intense the competition was. Moments later, I hung up...at least, I hope I said 'Good-bye.' Thoughts and doubts swirled in my mind like a violent hurricane. Hadn't God told me RIT was it? What had I done wrong? Had I not worked hard enough? Was I really such a lousy Signer? Were my SATs that wretched? Had I erroneously heard God's direction? Was the peace I'd been feeling, completely misguided?
I sank onto my bed and for a time, just lay there stunned and unfeeling. I had such high hopes/plans; I had been counting on RIT, I had been planning for my four-year-life in NY, I had trusted God and proceeded in this direction, and furthermore, I had trusted Him to come through! God is the God of the miraculous, and heaven knows, I was anticipating a miracle! So what happened?
On the brink of tears and near devastation, I was summoned asunder to assist with the cutting of firewood. Holding myself together the best I absolutely could, I descended and began stacking firewood. To be honest, the first thought that crossed my mind was to simply give up; don't try, don't fail, right? Perhaps ASL wasn't it. Yeah, I was so done trying...for the past year I have worked so hard--and for what?! So far, nothing. Really. I pulled my wheelbarrow through the sludgy mud and reclaimed my boot. At that moment, I realized that I had a choice to make. Would I stay angry and potentially become bitter or was I willing to just 'let it go and let Him take care of it?' When you're upset, disappointed or furious, it's so easy to stay angry and harbor those feelings. It takes work and willpower to overcome the intense feelings of injustice. So what would my response be? While I didn't 'feel like' worshiping in my disappointment, I knew that if I didn't, it would only get worse. I couldn't do this alone; only He could handle this adequately. Suddenly, I stood erect. You know what, NO!! This was not it! I was not giving up! (Despite the vexing fact that my massive woodpile collapsed twice which then required re-stacking, I began praying and seeking God earnestly.) No, giving up was so not an option! (See, my stubborn streak is at times, helpful.) I began claiming victory: I am more than a conquer through Him! All things are possible through Him who gives me strength! Greater is He who lives in me, than he who's in the world! I began re-stacking the scattered logs, "Okay Lord, to be perfectly honest, I am not feeling so cheery right now. I know that You understand and respect that, but while I fail to understand the circumstances and the reasoning behind this, I am confident that You (being God) know. So while I really feel like a loser at the moment, I CHOOSE to praise You regardless of my circumstances. I CHOOSE to continue obeying You! I CHOOSE to not allow my trying situation to obscure my prospective and I CHOOSE to continue focusing on You through this so that You may reveal to me, Your plans. I CHOOSE to allow You to handle this Your way. And I will not allow my disappointment/confusion to prevent me from praising You and seeking You!"
I began singing one of my very favorite worship songs, again claiming that regardless, my soul will continue to bless the Lord. Of course, it wasn't exactly easy at first, but I pressed on, "Lead me where my trust is without boarders....forever You are faithful!" Suddenly, it became easier and easier and within mere moments, I was lifting my voice and singing this sincerely, straight from my heart!
Once I made that decision to still praise Him and pressed on, I did an about-face. Gone were my tears of devastation and gone were my feelings of misguidance. Suddenly I was confident to rest in the fact that He had this. (2 Sam. 22:31) He is God--I am not. He knows my future and His plans therefore--I do not. Thus, I decided to trust Him. Sure, things don't always make sense to our minds, but His plans are beyond our simple minds! (Prov. 3:5-6) And considering the current circumstances, I should be panicking...but I'm not. I am instead overwhelmed by peace and confidence that He'll make a way where there seems to be none! Oddly enough, I'm not worried or concerned about any of it!
There is another application process for RIT in February (for which I'm already a candidate) so this is not completely final. But we will just need to wait and see what He does. I am confident that I know what I've heard and I am still believing for RIT. Perhaps I will be accepted after all into the program in March and this was merely a test of faith--for me to prove 'my stubbornness' and not quit. Or perhaps now is not His intended timing and I will attended RIT at a later date as a transfer student. Again, I'm not certain of His plans, however I DO know this: that whatever His plans for me are, He won't let me miss them; He is Jehovah Jirah and He will provide for me in His timing; He will give me only His best (Matt 7:7-11); and that I'll continue to obey/trust Him without borders and praise Him even with my last breath!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)