It's Not Good-bye!

Late Friday night and early Saturday morning when I said farewell to the amazing students and staff who have blessed me beyond words; I reminded myself repeatedly that it was not "good-bye." Rather, "So-long, until I see you again!" (Hasta Luego!)
     Although it is difficult (sometimes much harder than others,) I am also reminding myself that returning to Pennsylvania just is another step in my journey. And while coming back only to finish High School is anything but inspirational, I must follow where the Lord leads...which for this season, He is calling me back here. And right now, I must finish my senior year before I can move on to college and pursue the other things He has for me. This is a necessary step; one I must take if I want to continue in His will. And while the transition is not always easy, I must remember to be grateful for the time God has given me in Puerto Rico with those I care deeply for--instead of being discouraged that I cannot stay longer.
     I know that I will return--But when, depends all on God's will. You had better believe that I am doing all I can to plan for my return!
 
I cried myself through the airport and decided to be prepared by stuffing extra napkins in my pocket for my return flight. Good thing I thought ahead.
     I greeted my family at BWI and chattered nearly non-stop on the two hour drive home--sharing stories about school and telling them how wonderful the students and staff are. Thankfully the waterworks subsided and I continued gabbing about the kids--Knowing that if I continued telling funny stories that caused me to laugh, it made it harder to cry.
     The "shock" of being in PA again, soon wore off. Thoughts of "God, what are you asking from me?" and "What can I possibly do here?" began assaulting my mind. I was for some reason under the impression that now that I was back in PA, I would be studying, studying, studying (which is more or less true.) I thought I would be working my butt off for the SAT exam, and would be so busy applying to colleges that I would have no time to chill with Deaf people or be able to do anything. I also felt in Puerto Rico, that I was actually doing something important--I felt useful, like I was doing something that mattered. Whereas here, I had the inclination that I would be working my tail off and apart from studying--I would be serving no purpose or doing any good. As you can imagine--that was very disheartening. The feeling of uselessness and boredom was driving me totally crazy.
     The next morning dawned bright and early--and very cold. Although it was seventy-five degrees, I was honestly freezing. I was accustomed to temperatures close to one hundred and ridiculous humidity, so while everyone else wore shorts and t-shirts, I snuggled into my hoodie. What can I say? So dragging my limp body out of my bed, I tried my best to mentally prepare for church; determined to hold myself together--even if it meant gritting my teeth or quietly excusing myself. I knew I'd be greeted by many people and I inwardly braced myself for the onslaught of questions I knew would be coming and hoped I would be in the right state of mind to give intelligent answers.
     "God, give me the strength to continue. Please show me that I'm still in the center of Your will...I need reassurance of this. Also, You know my thoughts and are aware of my growing feelings of uselessness. I feel completely inadequate and useless! Apart from my schoolwork, do I even have a purpose here? If there is anything I can do here in PA to serve You or if You actually have a purpose for me here at this time, please, please make it clear to me! I need to know and I need direction!" I cried out to God as I drove to church.
     Taking a deep breath, I followed my family through the doors. I no sooner stepped in when a lady saw me and called, "Rachel! Thank goodness you're here." I smiled and gave her a sideways glance. Noticing the look of desperation on her face, I suspected there might be more to her declaration than merely welcoming me back...so I waited. But I can assure you, I wasn't at all prepared for her response. "There is a Deaf guy here...and he needs an interpreter!"
     Huh-you hurt your what? I'm sure my jaw dropped as I stood there, stunned and speechless. I'm also sure at that instant, that she thought I was the deaf one.
     "No, seriously, there's a Deaf guy in the sanctuary! He is communicating by pen and paper."
     I dared a glance into the sanctuary and sure enough, I saw a middle-aged man sitting next to my aunt, writing furiously. Bingo. My pulse quickened and I was all but shaking. For real?! A Deaf guy at my church? For years I had searched and searched for Deaf people and have found a select few...but only after I've "sought them out" so to speak. But here a Deaf guy found me? This was almost too good to be true.
     All dreary thoughts instantly vanished and, unable to help myself, I strode confidently into the sanctuary and introduced myself. Little did I know, I was getting myself in...very deep! During our conversation he informed me that he drove almost an hour to our church because God told him that there was someone who really needed encouragement.
     "You!" He pointed a finger at me. "You're the person God sent me here to encourage. Remember, only God knows the future. But trust Him and He promises to work all things out for your good!"
     I blinked and felt myself rocking backwards. I grabbed the back of a chair to steady myself as the reality of what he had just said, hit me like a blow to the jaw. Okay, let me analyze: God had sent him here to encourage me? A Deaf man, who lived an hour away and had never been to my church, came just to tell me to trust that God held my entire future in His hands and that I could trust Him? I blinked back the tears I had been so careful to hide. Suddenly the realization hit me full force: God had just answered the prayer I had muttered on my way to church! He was confirming that I was in His will and He was showing me that I can be used while I'm here/He wants to use me in PA! Booyah!
     Encouraged beyond words, I jumped right in. So for the remaining four hours, I was the resident interpreter at Open Arms. I interpreted all of the songs and the entire sermon to the best of my ability. (It was rather awkward when the pastor equated pressing through difficult times in our walk with God, to a woman giving birth.) How on earth do I make that correlate in Sign with my limited technical vocabulary? Oh, where was Betsy when I needed her?! But I survived nonetheless and stayed around afterwards for all of the introductions and encouraging words. Interpreting for a dozen of people, Sign to voice and vice versa! Wow. That was incredible!
     And this Sunday he returned, so I once again interpreted the entire service as well as his conversations with others. I'm loving it! That reassured/proved to me that I am needed during my time here in PA and that I can use my gift of Sign, too. I can see that God is certainly preparing me for my destiny in working with the Deaf! The Lord is so good!