As I have been reflecting on my past five weeks here and all I have seen and done; I am greatly humbled by what God has and is still doing--and by everything these wonderful people here have blessed me with.
For so long, I have felt complacent....I had my doubts that I was improving in my Signing and was concerned that I had been loosing what little I have learned. (Last year was so crazy-busy that I barely had time to attend any ASL Socials or interact with any Deaf, thus my Signing suffered greatly.) And although this is my third year studying ASL, I still felt like I didn't know much. I was also anxious about my signing here, fearing I had indeed forgotten things and that I would only confuse the students and create more work for Betsy.
Not to mention the tantalizing idea of becoming an Interpreter seemed to loom before me like an insurmountable mountain. But God continued to make His will for me as an interpreter, clear. So believing that He knew what He was talking about, I came and have done my best to push aside my self-consciousness and to Sign to the best of my ability.
I have realized during these past five weeks that, for one, my Signing has drastically improved! Imagine that? When I first arrived, I struggled with understanding another's Signs. My receptive skills seriously needed some work. I had to really focus, uninterrupted to be able to follow a conversation. And to interpret for someone else--Forget it! I was further irked that I always asked people to repeat things and frequently stumbled over my own words--or, hands, rather. I felt so frustrated at my lack of understanding and my inability to properly put my own thoughts into Signs. I asked others to interpret when I did not understand (which was fairly often) and I would frequently ask, "What's the sign for __________?"
But this past week, I have noticed, to my great surprise that I rarely asked people for the meaning of Signs and I have not needed an interpreter. In fact, I have interpreted many times for the new girl who came and doesn't know Sign. I also began to realize that as I tutor students, I am able to explain their English or math to them without asking Betsy more than two questions. It's a miracle!
At first, when I began to realize that I wasn't asking questions or inquiring about how something should be Signed, I was worried. Was I doing something wrong? Was I not Signing enough? And then I understood--I wasn't asking questions because I already knew. I wasn't asking Betsy how to Sign words because I either knew them or could continue my conversation by using a synonym that I already knew.
As I compare, I see where I have improved: From when I had to work hard to understand someone Signing, to now when I can easily understand someone. Like yesterday for instance...I was at a classroom and Kristian was the entire way across the courtyard Signing to me. He was so far away that at first, I wasn't sure if he was talking to me. Although by the time I realized this, he was Signing so quickly that I nearly missed what he said. But as I squinted and watched him, I understood within seconds and was on my way to fetch Mizael to help clean the kitchen. And I really wasn't concentrating that hard!
Another thing I have noticed too, that also terrified me at first was that I no longer really pay attention if someone is voicing or Signing. Reading Sign has become so natural that I don't think twice about it. Take for instance the other morning in chapel. Betsy was up front Signing her lesson and I was focusing on her Sign, understanding everything clearly. Beside me, Juan spilled his water and when I got distracted and looked down, away from her Signs, I realized that she was voicing as she Signed. I was surprised. I had understood her Sign so well that I hadn't even realized she had been talking. This also happened in church when she was interpreting. She doesn't voice in church, but I understood her Signing so well, that I thought she was and I asked Rosa if she had talked or only Signed. And the other day when someone said something in Spanish, I responded accordingly, not even realizing they were talking in Spanish. I only knew that I understood them, and what my response should be. Spanish, English, Sign--I don't care how you talk to me, just as long as I understand you. Just sayin'....
Another thing is that I had been so afraid I had lost some of my Signs...I really doubt that I did. But just after one day with the students, it all came flooding back to me and it was as if I had never "taken a break!" And I am learning so much about Deaf Culture and tons of new Signs that I wonder how boring and stuffy my conversations had been before....
And I will willingly admit, that obviously I still have such a long way to go and still have so much yet to learn. But I have a funny story. I have gotten into the habit of, if I don't know the Sign for something and there's no one I can ask, I will make it up. I invent it in the moment and if the Deaf person doesn't understand what I'm trying to convey, then we'd go from there, but first, I would do the best I could. So yesterday, I was teaching the new helper some signs and I was interpreting a book for her. I saw several words I didn't know--words I had never used before in all my years of Signing. I invented then off the top of my head and said to use those Sign until I could verify it with someone else. Later I asked about the Signs and realized that all of my "imagined Signs" were actually the correct, legit Signs for those words! Who knew, right!? So cool....And today in the library, Francis was reading a book and asked me what the word "Branch" meant. I thought about it for a second before making up a Sign...(because there is no real Sign for branch.) She laughed and I wondered if I had been terribly wrong. When I asked her what was the matter, she said that Kevin was also answering her question and that, without knowing, he and I were both using the same exact Sign to describe the word "Branch." So he was sitting behind me, doing the exact same thing to describe "branch" that I had just come up with from the top of my head. Neato! How funny!
But in all seriousness, I am beyond surprised! I had no idea I could understand people this well--or express myself for that matter...especially after only four weeks of school! This is certainly an act of God! He told me before I came that He would blow my socks off--I had no idea He meant it like this!
I was also astonished when I was told after only my second week here, that I was considered to be "conversationally fluent." Who knew?! I was told that I was advanced and that I knew what I was doing--but I just needed to believe that and have faith in myself. That there is the kicker. Although, I must admit, the prospect of my becoming an interpreter is beginning to brighten. I may be able to imagine that happening now. It may actually be possible. Although, I know that with HIS help, anything is possible!
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